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{\an8}From the beginning of mankind
and throughout the world's history...
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{\an8}...there have been clearly defined rituals
of manhood.
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{\an8}See, these rituals were definitive...
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{\an8}...in determining the exact moment
when a boy became a man.
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For example, there's the moment
when a boy joins the other men...
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...in his first engagement in battle.
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Did you know they used to have public
circumcisions in front of the village?
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Thank God mine didn't go public.
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And the most significant moment of all,
marriage.
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That's right, I said it.
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In fact, marriage used to be
the ultimate goal of boys and men.
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Because in the old days...
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...it was the only way a guy could get
what he really wanted from a girl.
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See, now, today?
Things have changed, people.
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I mean, men, we don't have to work
as hard to get what we want.
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We got the Internet, for God's sake.
I can be whatever I want on the Internet.
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Today, men have
the home court advantage...
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...which has left you ladies
with several different types of men.
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{\an8}I mean, I don't even know where to start.
You got the Player.
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Hi, Zekey.
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You sexted?
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- Those aren't mine, asshole.
- You sure that's not....
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{\an8}Wait a minute, I'm not done.
You got the Mama's Boy.
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Happy, Valentine's Day, sweetie.
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And you too, Mom.
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Thank you, sweetie.
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I think I'm just gonna
leave you two alone.
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Wait, where are you going?
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It's okay, Michael. I don't want to intrude.
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- I'll call you?
- Or not.
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Poor little thing.
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She's blond.
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You got the Dreamer.
The Dreamer's funny.
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So I quit my job.
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Yeah.
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I wanna be a chef.
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You wanted to be a paramedic,
you wanted to be a PR agent, and now...
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...you wanna be a chef?
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Baby, it's my dream.
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Really, Dominic? Because I wanted
to be a ballerina and Janet Jackson.
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When I was seven.
Do you know what I wanna be now?
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No.
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Your ex.
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And last but not least, you got
the Non-Committer. Pass the ball!
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This one is from me.
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All right, baby.
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- All right! Now it's a party. Drum roll.
- Okay, big guy.
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Oh, my God. I will, I will, I will, yes!
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You will what?
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Earrings...
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...that I will always treasure.
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- You the man, boy.
- Told you.
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- Yo!
- You need a beer?
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Now I'm not saying there aren't
a lot of good men out there.
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{\an8}Take, for instance,
the Happily Married Man.
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{\an8}Which brings us to my personal favorite,
you got the Happier Divorced Guy.
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{\an8}Look at that smile.
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What I'm saying is,
the balance of power has shifted.
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00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,401
But, Zeke, those aren't
my only issues with Gail.
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It's the nagging, it's the yelling,
it's the crazy mood swings.
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I mean, you're not gonna talk to me
no kind of way. I'm a grown-ass man.
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- Grown-ass man.
- You know me, Dom, I'm grown.
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Them weren't the only problems you
was having with Gail, though, right?
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- Yo, Zeke, do not get that man started.
- I'm asking a question!
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No, let's get me started up.
Turn the key! Say it, get it out!
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Rumor has it that Gail
was whooping that ass.
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What's the first word you said?
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- I think it was "whooping that ass."
- No, first word you said was "rumor."
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Because that's what it was, Zeke.
It's a rumor.
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Ced, you walked in the gym the other day
with a little nugget in the side of your eye.
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I fell down the steps, Mike! Okay?
I got steps, my steps got a slope in them.
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You ever walked down a slope
with dress shoes on?
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Wait, so she kicked your ass,
then you fell down the steps?
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- See, now it makes perfect sense.
- That's real funny.
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Look at the white man trying to make light
of the relationship issues...
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- ...of a brother.
- It's not like that.
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No, it is like that.
Let me tell you something, J.
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Black people marched and died for the
right to fight and treat each other like shit.
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- Oh, my God.
- You did not march.
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You do not have that right.
Neither do you, Bennett.
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I saw it on TV. They show
those marches a lot in February.
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- Stop.
- Your wife kicked your ass.
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It's really not that big of a deal.
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- There's worse things.
- It's my ex-wife. Okay?
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Y'all need to get in the habit
of saying that. Ex-wife.
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You know, it really kills me
how y'all like to laugh at my pain.
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00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:18,467
I can't wait till y'all experience
the shit I'm experiencing.
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I say Rush Street, first round on Bennett.
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I'm supposed to have dinner
with Kristen tonight.
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She'll understand, she's cool.
I'll send her a text.
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Welcome back, everybody.
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We are still here with
best-selling author Steve Harvey.
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Well, what I try to get women to
understand is that times have changed...
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...but your playbook hasn't.
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I've gotten thousands of letters
from all kinds of women...
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...who can't find a man, keep a man,
or get what they want from their man.
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Until you understand how a man loves...
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...how a man operates, how he thinks...
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...until you get into the mindset
of a man...
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...you will never win with us
in the game of love.
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Well, we certainly want to win with you
in the game of love, Steve.
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- We have a question in the audience.
- Hi, Steve.
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I've been living
with my boyfriend for five years...
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...and he says that he loves me,
and he's fully committed.
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I guess what I want to know is how come
he hasn't popped the question?
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He hasn't popped the question
because you haven't required him to.
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We'll be right back.
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RUSH STREET
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- Can I get two beers?
- Hey!
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I'm Cedric. Cedric, Cedric.
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00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,209
Yeah, I'm not married.
That's why I'm not wearing a ring.
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I'm sorry, but Jesus has my heart.
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Yeah, no, no, no, I get that.
I love Jesus too.
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I talked to him today, I was like,
"Jesus," I said, "I need a girl!"
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And I get here and I see you,
so I was like, "Thank you."
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You see Ced over there trying
to pull that PYT?
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Oh, she bad as hell.
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See, thinking like that, you lose
the game before you even step in.
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- What are you talking about?
- I'm gonna go on and leave.
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She's crazy. And I don't like her knees.
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Excuse me, Miss,
I noticed that you were....
122
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Honestly, I couldn't care less
about whatever it is you have to say.
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And I can appreciate that.
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I just know that I've seen you here before
and you're usually so stunning....
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And you'll always have those memories.
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In fact, why don't you walk away
and pretend this....
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I don't know what I did
to make you so defensive.
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All I'm saying is, whatever it is,
it's no reason to let yourself go, that's it.
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Let myself go?
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I didn't mean any disrespect....
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- Let me tell your tired ass something.
- Something's changed.
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Usually, there's an aura, there's a glint
about you that I'm not seeing.
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And I don't know if it's a relationship
or if it's job related, it's just....
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Is that it?
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It's work-related?
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Well, to be honest...
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...I was laid off from my job
about two months ago.
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- This damn economy.
- How'd it go?
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Not good, man.
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I literally have nothing to say anymore.
I don't know what's going on.
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And my breath ain't right.
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- Drink a beer.
- You smell it?
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You can't let that steal your smile,
because that smile I'm talking about...
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...that's gonna get you that next CEO gig,
you get it?
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See now? See? You're smiling.
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Now I'm smiling.
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I'ma walk away from here like a fairy now,
because I'm all happy.
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- A fairy?
- Yeah.
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- Have a good evening.
- Thank you.
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Got shot down.
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00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,105
Wait.
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She calling him back
for another episode of crazy.
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Here.
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She probably shot him down. Twice.
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Crazy, right? Talking about Jesus and
she don't speak English and stuff, right?
156
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Luck of mine.
She actually gave me her damn number.
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00:07:34,747 --> 00:07:36,582
The Dark Knight strikes again.
158
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How great is Kristen, man?
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- Nice.
- She's a phenomenal girl.
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I just don't understand
why she's with this dude.
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- Nobody does.
- How good is your credit?
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00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,883
It's up. Low 400s, 430?
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00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:50,054
Goddamn! A 430?
You can't even get a Discover Card!
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Don't white people start off
with a 500 credit score?
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Five-fifty, 475 if you're a mulatto.
166
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Cedric!
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Yes, Gail.
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Gail, listen to what I'm trying to say!
Gail, I don't care!
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I don't care what you take out the garage!
You can take the whole damn garage.
170
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,195
Let me tell you something. Here's what
I want, and this is what's-- Hello?
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00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,363
Gail?
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Y'all, I swear....
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She didn't let me finish my sentence.
I don't like that.
174
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Hey, Ced.
When's the divorce gonna be final?
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Goodness, if I had to guess,
I'd say like four weeks, 367 hours...
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...22 minutes, 32 seconds.
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That's just a guess.
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- Who's counting?
- But you know what we should do?
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We should take Cedric out
for celebration game night.
180
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:26,423
I can't do Sunday. This Sunday, dinner
with my ma. Little casserole action.
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00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:29,051
- That's every Sunday.
- I can't do Sunday either.
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00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,053
Jonah's got a violin recital.
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00:08:31,262 --> 00:08:33,514
My God, dude,
your kid has way too many recitals.
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00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,100
Wait a minute, hold on, wait.
Your son play the violin?
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00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,935
- And the cello.
- Yo, he's gay.
186
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,145
- Playing the violin doesn't make him gay.
- Yes, it does.
187
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,523
- Name me one gay violinist.
- Your son.
188
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:46,068
Listen to this. Cedric is about to be
released from the shackles of Gail-Hell.
189
00:08:46,277 --> 00:08:49,530
Forever. And we're about to miss it
for what? Another Jonah recital.
190
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,657
- By the way, he sucks.
- Really?
191
00:08:51,866 --> 00:08:53,492
I'd expect that from them, not you.
192
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:56,078
- What do you mean, "them"?
- Like what, like black people or what?
193
00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:57,371
Absolutely.
194
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,456
I don't get mad
because he's bold enough to say it.
195
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,375
Seriously, you have ears. Kid's tone-deaf.
196
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,919
This is his big solo.
They're playing the Gap Band.
197
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:07,172
You know, Dropped a Bomb on Me,
and he's got the last... "Baby!"
198
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,842
Look, I got a great idea.
I'll have my mom cook for us.
199
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,928
She'll make some chocolate chip cookies,
a big casserole. We'll do it the right way.
200
00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:14,930
Mike, I almost punched you
in your damn face just now, man.
201
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,098
And I was gonna add a head butt.
202
00:09:16,307 --> 00:09:18,976
I'm not going over your mom house
to celebrate my damn divorce party!
203
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,395
- We gotta eat. We can start there....
- I don't wanna eat with your mom!
204
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:22,771
I ain't going over his mom house.
205
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:26,233
Look, she just got the new Tyler Perry,
For Colored Girls on Blu-ray.
206
00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:29,028
We'll just have a nice little fellas night,
a chill-out night.
207
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,155
Let me tell you what happens,
Janet Jackson gets AIDS at the end...
208
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,616
...and some crazy guy throws his kids
out the window. You good?
209
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:35,492
- Can we party now? Let's do it!
- I hate you.
210
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,661
- All right, put them up!
- Yes, sir.
211
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:40,956
Fine, I'm in, man.
212
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:44,501
Life is great, fellas. May it never change.
213
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,963
None of us could have known that
the first bomb had been dropped.
214
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,465
The war had been declared.
215
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:52,885
And hard-worn secrets had now fallen
into the hands of the enemy.
216
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,094
ACT LIKE A LADY,
THINK LIKE A MAN
217
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,221
We had been betrayed
by one of our own. A man.
218
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,890
I'm talking about a man with a penis.
219
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,683
Someone who should know better.
220
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:02,603
And because of those actions,
a blitz was now on its way...
221
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,189
...that would affect
my entire Band of Brothers.
222
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,566
We have another question
in the audience, Steve.
223
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:10,069
Steve, I keep hooking up with guys
who don't want a relationship.
224
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,655
- Why don't you stop hooking up?
- Did you hear that?
225
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:17,785
Listen, men respect women
who have standards. Just get some.
226
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:19,620
Exactly.
227
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,040
Steve, I'm a partner in my law firm,
I own my own home...
228
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,042
...but I've been single for three years.
229
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,878
{\an8}Why can't I seem to find a man
to live up to my standards?
230
00:10:28,087 --> 00:10:30,005
{\an8}Maybe you need to adjust them
a little bit.
231
00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:32,007
- Bullshit.
- Are you saying that we should settle?
232
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:34,593
Look, you make six figures.
Does he have to?
233
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,886
Yes.
234
00:10:36,095 --> 00:10:38,097
You own your own home.
Does he have to?
235
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,348
Yes and yes.
236
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,058
We have another question here
in the audience.
237
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:44,937
{\an8}Hi, Steve. I'm currently dating
and I just wanna know...
238
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:49,108
{\an8}...when is the right time for me
to introduce my man to my kid?
239
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,403
{\an8}I know that single women
don't want to have a parade of men...
240
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:53,862
{\an8}...coming through the house.
241
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,114
- Exactly!
- I get that.
242
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,241
- But if a guy is a serious contender...
- What up, Mama?
243
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:58,575
Excuse you?
244
00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:00,536
- ...bring him in as soon as possible.
- Morning, Mom.
245
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:04,373
{\an8}Because if you invest six months in a
man and then introduce him to the kids...
246
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:07,960
{\an8}...and he's not feeling the kids,
or vice versa...
247
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,796
{\an8}...then guess what?
You just wasted six months.
248
00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:12,840
That's true. Did that.
249
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,055
Alex?
250
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:23,392
Alex?
251
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:27,771
Alex!
252
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,231
Wake up!
253
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,362
Look, babe,
I got us two double-shot lattes.
254
00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:37,698
- Thanks, baby.
- Here.
255
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,701
Figured we needed some caffeine
after last night.
256
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,870
It was amazing.
257
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,001
I'm gonna go and freshen up.
258
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,754
So I'll be right back.
259
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,630
I'll be right here.
260
00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:58,719
- Don't move.
- Don't worry, I won't.
261
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:04,557
So babe, I was thinking maybe
we could go on our first real date.
262
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,435
- We could go see a movie?
- Yeah, babe.
263
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:10,272
We should do that. Things between us
are gonna start getting real serious, baby.
264
00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:14,151
Okay, so I was thinking maybe we could
go see the new Tyler Perry movie.
265
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,528
You know, the one where the guy's,
like, mean to his girlfriend...
266
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:20,949
...and a nice guy comes and rescues her
and at the end, they both find Jesus.
267
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:25,454
Alex? So yes to the Tyler Perry movie?
268
00:12:26,205 --> 00:12:27,706
Alex!
269
00:12:32,086 --> 00:12:33,253
Michelle
It was fun
270
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:34,713
"Michelle"?
271
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,134
It's Mya, asshole!
272
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,053
Mya.
273
00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:46,058
Did this nigga take my coffee?
274
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,144
It was like some long-hidden truth
had finally been released...
275
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,355
...in hardcover and paperback.
276
00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:53,232
For my book club.
277
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,983
- For me!
- For my mom!
278
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,694
For the first time in their lives,
women all over...
279
00:12:57,903 --> 00:13:00,656
...stopped turning to other women
for relationship advice.
280
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:01,865
Really?
281
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:04,243
- I got one too many.
- Thank you.
282
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,412
Instead, they went straight to a man,
Steve Harvey.
283
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:11,333
He had made his name as a comedian,
but this shit here? This wasn't funny.
284
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:14,711
And because of this,
things would never be the same.
285
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,219
BARNES and NOBLE
286
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,806
"The Mama's Boy" vs.
"The Single Mom"
287
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,526
Excuse me?
288
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:39,361
Excuse me?
289
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,406
Yeah, hi. Hey, did you by any chance
go to Fairfax High?
290
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:43,824
Yes.
291
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,450
I went there as well. Michael Hanover.
292
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,452
- Candace Hall.
- Yeah, I remember.
293
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,121
I had classes with your sister Lisa.
294
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,456
- Next in line.
- I'm sorry, I don't recognize you.
295
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,335
Well, yeah, I was, like, five feet tall,
99 pounds when we graduated.
296
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,713
I had the glasses and the buck teeth.
297
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,383
That look familiar, maybe down here?
298
00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:02,926
Yeah, you do.
299
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,889
I don't know if that's a good thing
or a bad thing. You dissing me already?
300
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,099
Well, you've grown up. Quite nicely.
301
00:14:09,308 --> 00:14:11,643
And you haven't changed a bit.
You look amazing.
302
00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:15,480
Well, you need to put those
glasses back on, obviously.
303
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:17,941
No, actually, I'm nearsighted.
304
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:20,944
Besides, I mean, how could I forget
my teenage crush?
305
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:24,031
I used to look at you
walk down the hallway...
306
00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:26,909
...and just fall into your smile.
307
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,913
I'm rambling,
I do that when I get nervous.
308
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,539
Next in line.
309
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:35,542
Well, it was nice meeting--
I mean, seeing you.
310
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:38,378
It's nice finally being seen.
311
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,005
Next in line, please.
312
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,388
Candace?
313
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,391
Could we go grab a cup of coffee
or something?
314
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,185
We could maybe catch up
on old times we never had.
315
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:56,396
I can't, actually. I have to pick up my--
316
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,814
- Husband?
- No...
317
00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,775
- You got a boyfriend?
- No, I have a son.
318
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,450
Well, how about dinner?
319
00:15:13,372 --> 00:15:14,414
Yeah.
320
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,751
"The Non-Committer" vs.
"The Girl Who Wants the Ring"
321
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,586
- I finally get it.
- Get what?
322
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,547
Getting Jeremy to propose is like
getting Jeremy to paint the kitchen...
323
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:23,840
...or put the toilet seat down.
324
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:27,552
It's not gonna happen
until I require him to.
325
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,305
And I haven't required him
to do a damn thing.
326
00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:32,516
You know we still go halfsies
on everything?
327
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:35,185
- I thought that was your idea.
- Yeah, in college.
328
00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,354
He was work study
and I felt sorry for him.
329
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,564
And I am still paying for it, to this day.
330
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,108
Hey, I'm Kristen.
331
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,443
- Hi, welcome.
- Welcome, please sign in.
332
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:47,030
- Congratulations.
- Thank you. Six months.
333
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:48,699
Yeah, and we can't wait.
334
00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:50,575
Thank you.
335
00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:52,869
Here, come on.
336
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,539
- Watch your step.
- See, that is a man with a plan.
337
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:57,958
He knows what he wants,
he knows what he has.
338
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:03,171
I sell beautiful homes for a living,
and we live in a frat house for the boys.
339
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,590
Last Valentine's Day,
the boys were there.
340
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:06,883
So you're saying, you're--
341
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:10,762
My God, I'm one of the boys,
except I have a vagina!
342
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,348
I swear to God,
Frodo Baggins had it easier.
343
00:16:13,557 --> 00:16:16,018
- I'm sorry, who?
- Frodo, from The Hobbit.
344
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,394
I don't do hobbits.
345
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:21,189
Right, no, me neither. That's so lame.
Jeremy had a chess set.
346
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:23,734
- It's totally stupid.
- Okay, so what are you gonna do?
347
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,444
You're gonna trick him
into giving you a ring?
348
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:29,740
I'm not gonna trick him.
I'm going to require him.
349
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,533
It's been nine years.
350
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:33,493
So, what makes you think
it's gonna change now?
351
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,037
I've got some new information.
352
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:36,371
Oh, you do?
353
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,958
Yeah, because Steve says
"Don't hate the Player."
354
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:42,085
Change the game.
355
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,212
It's your shot. Wait!
356
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,631
You gotta raise your left leg.
357
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,388
H-O, you're a ho.
358
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:54,681
Really? I'm a ho?
359
00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:56,350
I've been with the same woman
for nine years.
360
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,352
I'm the Stedman Graham of relationships,
all right?
361
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,270
Bro, I'm not saying ho like "whore."
362
00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:02,689
I'm saying ho, like punk bitch
that's been henpecked...
363
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:05,484
...so he ain't got no more nuts,
because his girl runs the house.
364
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,861
- Speaking of which, how's Kristen?
- She's incredible.
365
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:11,031
We were up till 2:00 a.m. playing
Call of Duty last night. She loved it.
366
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,158
She doesn't. She does it for you.
367
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:16,495
I know my woman, okay? Fantasy?
Science fiction? Action figures?
368
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,122
- All the stuff I love, she loves too.
- No, she does that shit...
369
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:20,957
...for you, trust me.
Deep down inside, she's thinking:
370
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,835
This is some silly-ass shit.
371
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,171
What the hell?
372
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:29,341
No wonder Jeremy hasn't proposed yet,
he hasn't gone through puberty.
373
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,219
It's time for a little spring cleaning.
374
00:17:34,805 --> 00:17:36,223
You first.
375
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,141
No, no. That's your problem, Gail.
376
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,185
You don't never want to listen,
you just want to talk.
377
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:41,895
What'd I say?
I said I'm gonna be there tomorrow.
378
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,272
No, no, no. Listen, Gail...
379
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:45,732
- I'm not gonna go back and forth with you.
- Oh, man.
380
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:48,402
Because I'm trying to talk and you ain't
gonna let me say what I-- Hello?
381
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:49,778
Gail?
382
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,030
Did it again. Hung up on me again.
383
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:53,990
What do you call
the three rings of marriage?
384
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,200
No clue.
385
00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:57,953
The engagement ring, the wedding ring,
and the suffer-ring.
386
00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,913
Oh, and, in your case, the beating.
387
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:02,749
This is not the time. You know,
y'all underestimate me because I'm short.
388
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:04,000
No, it's because you a fool.
389
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:05,877
What up? What's happening, baby?
390
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,504
The hell's wrong with you?
391
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:09,423
- You're stoned.
- Yeah, you're high!
392
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:13,301
Either you're high, or everything
on my eHarmony profile is true.
393
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:14,886
I'm high off life, gentlemen.
394
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,638
I met this girl.
395
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:21,393
No, matter of fact, she's not even a girl.
I met a woman.
396
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,061
But you are a woman.
397
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:28,066
"The Dreamer" vs.
"The Woman Who Is Her Own Man"
398
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,526
Order up!
399
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,529
Hey, guess who's back. Table eight.
400
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,826
She is way out of your league, Dom.
401
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,828
Ain't no such thing, playboy.
402
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:43,540
All right, she probably spends more here
in one night than you make in a month.
403
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:48,044
That's true, but, you know, just think
how much she'll save if I cook for her.
404
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,337
Oh, you crazy.
405
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,089
Dominic. Scallions?
406
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,841
All right, Chef, coming up.
407
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,051
- Well, you look cute. What's going on?
- I do?
408
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,095
- Yes.
- Thank you, that was nice of you.
409
00:18:57,304 --> 00:19:00,432
Just, you know, Duke made Little League,
got a new laptop, met a guy.
410
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,726
I think I'm gonna try the white sea bass.
411
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,770
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Met a what?
- A guy.
412
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,189
A real one? Not a blow-up doll?
413
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,733
Okay, don't look so surprised.
It's not that--
414
00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:13,028
Honey, I'm just saying,
it's been two years since your divorce.
415
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,697
And three, maybe four,
since you had sex.
416
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:19,034
I said I met a guy, Lauren,
I didn't say I was changing my last name.
417
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,243
Yet.
418
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:23,497
I need all the details, honey. Now. Spill it.
419
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,874
- Is she hot?
- Pure fire.
420
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,083
Does she got real big titties?
421
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,169
Yeah, what's the rack like?
Tell us about the rack.
422
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,505
The rack. Definitely some white boy shit.
423
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,673
It is white boy shit. We love breasts.
424
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,675
You're not even white, Bennett.
You're clear.
425
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,053
- He's got kind eyes. Soulful.
- Yes!
426
00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:39,304
He's sensitive.
427
00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:40,847
I know she got a fat ass.
428
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:43,517
She got that J.Lo,
Serena Williams mash up.
429
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,311
Ass so big, I could hide underneath it
if it was raining.
430
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,021
- That's way too much ass.
- No such thing.
431
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:49,731
Damn right, it ain't.
The bigger, the better.
432
00:19:49,940 --> 00:19:54,611
But it wasn't just a physical attraction,
it was intellectual.
433
00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:57,197
He loved
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.
434
00:19:57,405 --> 00:20:00,033
He bought one for his mom's book club.
Isn't that sweet?
435
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,577
- Yeah, and kind of gay.
- He's a gentleman.
436
00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,996
- Yo, she a ho. I know she a ho.
- Oh, definitely a ho.
437
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:08,375
Both of you, you both watch your mouth,
all right? This one's not a ho.
438
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:09,584
She's a lady.
439
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,836
- Whipped already.
- Enjoy it while it lasts, Mike.
440
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,880
Let me tell you something,
it ain't gonna last forever.
441
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:15,340
They all start out happy.
442
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:17,050
See, but here's when it gets real.
443
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,135
When you wake up in the morning,
and you go in the living room...
444
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,555
...and you catch her pissing
inside of your Jordans.
445
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:22,973
And not the regular Jordans.
446
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,933
I'm talking about the ones
with the patent leather on the side...
447
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,142
...where the pee don't come out.
448
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,436
Don't listen to them, Mike.
Relationships are beautiful.
449
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:31,231
- Just saying.
- So when are you guys going out?
450
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:34,526
Saturday night.
She got to find a sitter, first, and then--
451
00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:37,070
- What, like a dog sitter?
- No, she has a son.
452
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:38,738
- What?
- She has a child.
453
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,407
All right, well,
be careful dating a baby mama.
454
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:43,076
- Why?
- Because she's the baby mama.
455
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,579
Dude, she ain't looking for a couple
laughs and some butt-naked sex.
456
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,414
She been a couple laughs
and some butt-naked sex.
457
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:48,957
- Preach.
- She looking for a husband.
458
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,459
A father for her son. Speaking of which,
where's the baby daddy?
459
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,378
- Oh, good question, Zeke.
- Thank you.
460
00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:56,631
Could be a psycho. Just got paroled
for killing her last boyfriend.
461
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,092
Or he could be one of those guys
that like to hide in a bush...
462
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,511
...waiting for a strange guy
to come to his baby mom's house.
463
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,972
And when he gets there,
he pops out the bushes...
464
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,974
...hits this guy on the back of the head
with a brick.
465
00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:07,142
Without even realizing...
466
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,311
...that this guy's relationship
with his baby mom was platonic.
467
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:10,812
They ever catch that guy?
468
00:21:11,021 --> 00:21:13,690
No, it's a cold case.
The cops won't even revisit the case.
469
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,066
They said they couldn't find the brick.
470
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,653
I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
471
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:21,197
- None of that matters.
- Really?
472
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,575
Because you should see her smile.
473
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,328
- Oh, shit. All right! Okay.
- Good night, Mike.
474
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,830
Talking to you about bricks!
You wanna go talk about a smile.
475
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:31,625
- There is one thing, though.
- I knew it, he was born a woman.
476
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:32,876
No.
477
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,712
- He's, you know, he's...
- He's what?
478
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:36,963
A little younger.
479
00:21:37,172 --> 00:21:38,673
You have kidnapped a cub, haven't you?
480
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:41,343
No, I'll have you know,
he seems very mature, actually.
481
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:43,970
Wait a minute,
why am I getting all worked up?
482
00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:45,305
We haven't even had a date yet.
483
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:47,891
I still need to qualify
if he's even a contender.
484
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:50,727
- Qualify?
- What are his long-term goals?
485
00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:52,687
What are his short-term goals?
Can he provide?
486
00:21:52,896 --> 00:21:54,481
Don't hit him with all that at once.
487
00:21:54,689 --> 00:21:57,692
I know, don't worry. I intend to be stealth.
488
00:21:57,942 --> 00:21:59,694
You? How?
489
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:04,449
{\an8}By acting like a lady,
but thinking like a man.
490
00:22:04,658 --> 00:22:06,743
Oh, you fell for that sexist crap?
491
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:09,079
He's actually giving insight
into a man's perspective.
492
00:22:09,287 --> 00:22:12,624
Why should I have to lower my standards
to get a man? Who does that?
493
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,250
I'm sorry. Now, what man?
494
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:15,627
I just want my equal.
495
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,421
Okay? Or at least an attractive,
cultured man.
496
00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:22,926
Who's over six feet tall, makes six figures,
and isn't intimidated by my success.
497
00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:25,303
Okay, girl. Quit chasing the ghost
of James Merrill's past.
498
00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:27,430
He is married and long gone.
499
00:22:27,639 --> 00:22:28,640
That man was fine.
500
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:31,101
Here we go.
Let's do a little research, here.
501
00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,228
- This is you.
- Please, I don't...
502
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:35,772
"Strong, independent,
and lonely women."
503
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,483
I don't need some bald-headed man
on a book...
504
00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:40,235
...telling me I am strong and independent.
505
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:41,444
Honey, that's a given.
506
00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:42,654
But you forgot lonely.
507
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,114
You are a bitch.
508
00:22:44,322 --> 00:22:45,448
You're too strong, Lauren.
509
00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:48,910
There's no such thing as too strong.
And you know what?
510
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:53,331
If I were a man, being the youngest COO
of a Fortune 500 company...
511
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:56,167
...would actually be a good thing.
Women would flock.
512
00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:58,086
Yeah, but men flee
when you lead with that.
513
00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,838
And it's not just your job, Lauren.
514
00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:02,173
Remember what Marcel said
on your last date...
515
00:23:02,340 --> 00:23:03,341
...after you trumped his wine choice?
516
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,677
- It was a better choice.
- What were his words again?
517
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:08,930
"You don't need a man, Lauren,
you are a man."
518
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,975
Happy belated birthday. For you.
519
00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:16,855
I'm just saying, all this waiting for better?
It's making you bitter.
520
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:22,485
Hey, babe?
521
00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:26,698
I stopped off for a beer,
but picked us up some dinner.
522
00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:29,117
Oh, my God.
523
00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:33,037
Oh, my God! My anime posters!
We got robbed!
524
00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:35,790
Kris! Are you home?
525
00:23:35,999 --> 00:23:37,667
Yes. Where's the fire? What's going on?
526
00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,335
Have you not noticed
that we've been robbed?
527
00:23:39,544 --> 00:23:41,629
I just tidied up a little bit. Relax.
528
00:23:41,838 --> 00:23:43,631
- Tidied up?
- Yeah.
529
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,550
Justice League? Darth Vader?
SpongeBob?
530
00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:47,010
Where are they? Are they okay?
531
00:23:47,218 --> 00:23:48,928
They are safe. They're fine.
532
00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:52,932
I just thought
we could paint the living room.
533
00:23:54,559 --> 00:23:55,602
Paint.
534
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,229
- Okay.
- And redecorate.
535
00:23:59,731 --> 00:24:01,649
- Redecorate?
- Yeah.
536
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,152
I thought you loved that stuff.
Why would you want to do that?
537
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,029
Because it looks like
we live in a frat house, Jeremy.
538
00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:08,031
- Oh, stop it.
- We are adults, for Christ's sakes.
539
00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:09,866
We make a decent living.
540
00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:12,202
I think it's time to invest
and make this a real home.
541
00:24:12,410 --> 00:24:15,580
With matching dishes and glasses...
542
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:19,375
...and a new couch.
543
00:24:20,084 --> 00:24:22,504
Well, what's wrong with my couch?
544
00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:25,507
Baby, you pulled it out of a dumpster.
545
00:24:25,673 --> 00:24:26,674
Yeah.
546
00:24:26,841 --> 00:24:29,427
I'm pretty sure Annalisa
was impregnated, like, right there.
547
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:32,680
It's got cigarette burns, bong spills,
there was the scabies scare of '06.
548
00:24:32,889 --> 00:24:34,349
- You're being dramatic.
- No, I'm really not.
549
00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:36,267
Your aunt who tinkles
when she laughs?
550
00:24:36,434 --> 00:24:38,520
She pissed all over the couch
last Christmas.
551
00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:40,730
It's disgusting. We're like animals.
552
00:24:40,939 --> 00:24:43,566
I cleaned up the bong spill
and the cigarette burns.
553
00:24:43,775 --> 00:24:45,068
This couch has history.
554
00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:47,278
And now it is history.
555
00:24:49,072 --> 00:24:51,199
So here are some new ideas.
556
00:24:51,699 --> 00:24:55,495
I thought we could look it over.
Research some new styles.
557
00:24:55,703 --> 00:24:57,288
Gotta zero in on a color palette.
558
00:24:57,622 --> 00:25:00,375
I know you like mauve. You know?
559
00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:04,379
There was that period you went through,
where you were partial to salmon.
560
00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:07,131
Yeah, I'd rather watch Letters to Juliet
with you again.
561
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,759
I know you would. Because you cried
at the end when they got reunited.
562
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,594
I wasn't crying, okay?
563
00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:14,305
I was having an allergic reaction
to the perfume in the theater.
564
00:25:14,472 --> 00:25:15,473
You bought the soundtrack.
565
00:25:15,932 --> 00:25:17,517
It's a good soundtrack.
566
00:25:17,725 --> 00:25:20,228
Look, I'm really bad at this. Okay?
567
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:21,771
Please, can you do this?
568
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:23,189
- Without me?
- Really?
569
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,234
- Really.
- By myself?
570
00:25:27,277 --> 00:25:28,278
Yeah.
571
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:31,489
- I trust you.
- Awesome.
572
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:32,824
Okay, let me ask you a question.
573
00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:35,910
Where is the last guy that you slept with
in less than 90 days?
574
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:37,161
You mean John?
575
00:25:37,328 --> 00:25:38,329
Hey! Baby!
576
00:25:38,538 --> 00:25:39,664
What's up, girl?
577
00:25:39,873 --> 00:25:41,291
Hey, I had a great time the other night.
578
00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,918
- Oh, did you, Alex?
- Yeah, Melanie. I was gonna call you...
579
00:25:44,127 --> 00:25:46,462
Melanie? It's Mya, negro.
580
00:25:46,671 --> 00:25:48,506
Yeah. I gotta go. So I'll call you.
581
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:51,467
I know you did not just call her Melanie.
582
00:25:51,676 --> 00:25:53,803
It's okay.
I'm not even gonna let him get to me.
583
00:25:54,012 --> 00:25:56,180
I am in a better place
and I am on another level.
584
00:25:56,347 --> 00:25:58,099
"The Player" vs.
"The 90 Day Rule Girl"
585
00:25:58,266 --> 00:26:00,143
I don't know, Sonia.
I feel like I have x-ray vision.
586
00:26:00,351 --> 00:26:01,853
Like, man goggles.
587
00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:03,605
We spend all this time complaining...
588
00:26:03,771 --> 00:26:05,523
...about how guys don't
want to be in relationships...
589
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:06,858
...they just want to hook up.
590
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,693
But really, all along, we've had the power.
591
00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:11,112
Right. We have?
592
00:26:11,321 --> 00:26:13,907
Yes! We control the cookie.
593
00:26:14,115 --> 00:26:15,867
She who controls the cookie
controls the game.
594
00:26:16,492 --> 00:26:18,912
Okay, I got it. What's the cookie?
595
00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:21,789
- It's a metaphor.
- For what?
596
00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:23,458
For....
597
00:26:27,337 --> 00:26:29,172
- Yes. The cookie!
- The cookie!
598
00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:30,381
I got it. The cookie!
599
00:26:30,590 --> 00:26:32,342
I'm telling you, the power's in the cookie.
600
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:34,719
So how do we control the cookie?
601
00:26:34,928 --> 00:26:36,471
By putting it in the cookie jar...
602
00:26:36,679 --> 00:26:38,973
...clasping the lid on tight,
and leaving it in there.
603
00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:40,183
Okay.
604
00:26:40,350 --> 00:26:43,061
Until some little boy actually grows up
and earns it.
605
00:26:43,227 --> 00:26:44,228
I get it.
606
00:26:44,395 --> 00:26:47,357
It's kind of like when my cousin had
the five-date rule. It was similar to that.
607
00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:48,691
Oh, no. That's child's play.
608
00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:50,735
I'm thinking something
a little bit more radical.
609
00:26:50,944 --> 00:26:53,863
See, this is why you need to get the book,
because it has a whole chapter on it.
610
00:26:54,072 --> 00:26:56,824
"Getting The Respect That You Deserve:
The 90-Day Rule."
611
00:26:56,991 --> 00:26:57,992
Are you high?
612
00:26:58,159 --> 00:26:59,994
- No.
- Who is waiting 90 days?
613
00:27:00,203 --> 00:27:02,413
If it's good enough
for the Fortune 500 company...
614
00:27:02,622 --> 00:27:03,831
...it's good enough for me.
615
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,959
See, when I worked
at Ford Motor Company...
616
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:07,710
...there was a 90-day probation rule.
617
00:27:07,919 --> 00:27:11,547
I had to be on the job for 90 days
before they gave me a benefit package.
618
00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:14,842
Ford figured this,
"Let's see how he performs.
619
00:27:15,051 --> 00:27:19,889
"If he comes in on time, if he proves
himself, then we'll give him benefits."
620
00:27:20,098 --> 00:27:25,061
So if Ford Motor Company waits 90 days
to pass out their benefit package...
621
00:27:25,436 --> 00:27:26,729
...why won't women wait?
622
00:27:26,938 --> 00:27:27,939
You see, that's our problem.
623
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:31,442
It's that we keep giving it away to some
Axe body spray wearing man-ho...
624
00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:32,735
...who thinks my name's Melanie.
625
00:27:32,944 --> 00:27:35,571
But it doesn't matter,
because a girl's got needs.
626
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:39,575
Listen to yourself. Do you really think
you could wait 90 days?
627
00:27:39,784 --> 00:27:41,828
Yes. I spent six months
dreaming about a guy...
628
00:27:41,995 --> 00:27:43,746
...that I met once
at a wedding weekend.
629
00:27:43,955 --> 00:27:45,581
The one you had sex with at the beach?
630
00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:47,792
Yes, who never called.
631
00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:50,044
Yeah, so,
I definitely think I could do 90 days.
632
00:27:50,253 --> 00:27:52,255
Matter of fact,
I could do 90 days before 90 days.
633
00:27:52,463 --> 00:27:55,550
I am so sick and tired of men.
Maybe I should start dating women.
634
00:27:55,758 --> 00:27:57,969
My God, I'll give you 50 bucks
if you guys kiss.
635
00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,221
- But there has to be tongue.
- Boy, get out of here!
636
00:28:00,430 --> 00:28:01,431
Gave it a shot.
637
00:28:01,639 --> 00:28:05,685
What is wrong with the men
of this generation? Like, what?
638
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:08,312
I ask myself that same question
every day.
639
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,356
Whatever happened
to respect for women?
640
00:28:10,565 --> 00:28:13,067
Whatever happened to decorum?
641
00:28:13,693 --> 00:28:15,945
May I have the honor of buying
you two lovely ladies a drink?
642
00:28:16,154 --> 00:28:18,281
Absolutely. And thank you for asking.
643
00:28:18,489 --> 00:28:19,490
- We would like--
- Why?
644
00:28:19,866 --> 00:28:22,660
Is it that you crave
scintillating conversation?
645
00:28:22,869 --> 00:28:25,580
Or that you want to discuss the politics
and nuances of the Chechnyan War?
646
00:28:25,872 --> 00:28:27,957
You know, I don't really discuss politics
on the first encounter.
647
00:28:28,166 --> 00:28:29,917
- And neither do we. This is why I'm--
- Oh, no, I know what it is.
648
00:28:30,334 --> 00:28:32,587
It's the visual thing, right?
649
00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:35,423
You saw me, you sexualized me,
you wanted to get into my pants?
650
00:28:35,590 --> 00:28:36,591
Absolutely not.
651
00:28:36,799 --> 00:28:40,094
Yeah, but then, what is it?
Because, you know, you don't know me.
652
00:28:40,303 --> 00:28:41,804
I could be a psycho.
653
00:28:42,013 --> 00:28:45,058
I could be a serial killer.
I could have 16 personalities.
654
00:28:45,975 --> 00:28:47,685
- Let me get a Crown and Coke.
- Got you covered.
655
00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:49,562
And 16 of whatever she's having?
656
00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:52,982
My name is Zeke.
657
00:28:58,946 --> 00:28:59,947
Mya.
658
00:29:00,156 --> 00:29:01,783
Nice to meet you, Mya.
659
00:29:01,991 --> 00:29:05,161
Day one, 89 more to go.
660
00:29:06,621 --> 00:29:08,247
Order for table 16!
661
00:29:08,456 --> 00:29:10,792
Dominic. Valet's slammed.
Go park some cars.
662
00:29:15,797 --> 00:29:17,548
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
663
00:29:40,154 --> 00:29:41,656
Hey, that's my car!
664
00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:52,875
Who says you have to compromise?
665
00:29:58,214 --> 00:29:59,799
Okay, where's the window?
666
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,558
Window. Window, window.
667
00:30:08,766 --> 00:30:10,935
Not the final destination.
668
00:30:11,269 --> 00:30:12,270
Door open.
669
00:30:12,478 --> 00:30:13,604
Shit.
670
00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:16,941
Hi.
671
00:30:17,233 --> 00:30:20,903
If I didn't know any better,
I'd think you were following me.
672
00:30:21,112 --> 00:30:22,780
No, just....
673
00:30:23,573 --> 00:30:25,700
Just out for a drive, that's all.
674
00:30:25,908 --> 00:30:27,618
Have a safe drive.
675
00:30:28,077 --> 00:30:29,412
Well, wait.
676
00:30:30,121 --> 00:30:31,622
You changed your mind?
677
00:30:31,831 --> 00:30:33,666
You think I could take you
to dinner sometime?
678
00:30:34,417 --> 00:30:35,626
How's tomorrow night?
679
00:30:37,545 --> 00:30:41,090
We love the fact that you're a strong,
confident woman with a fabulous job...
680
00:30:41,299 --> 00:30:42,717
...but we're men.
681
00:30:42,925 --> 00:30:46,387
Our DNA is encoded to be the provider.
682
00:30:46,596 --> 00:30:50,016
{\an8}And if you don't ever let us feel like
we're in control and necessary...
683
00:30:50,224 --> 00:30:52,560
...we're just not about
to profess our love to you.
684
00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:55,730
I mean, we'll just find us a woman
who actually makes us feel like a man.
685
00:30:55,938 --> 00:30:56,939
Yeah, a ho.
686
00:30:57,106 --> 00:31:00,902
We're kind of like dogs, see, you pet us,
we'll be loyal to you forever.
687
00:31:01,110 --> 00:31:03,362
Yeah, dogs. There you go, Steve.
688
00:31:05,615 --> 00:31:07,533
I don't need that book.
689
00:31:14,415 --> 00:31:17,752
{\an8}Oh, yes! Yeah!
690
00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:21,172
Oh, honey.
Jennifer's coming over tonight to babysit.
691
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:23,424
You're going to bingo with Grandma?
692
00:31:23,633 --> 00:31:26,093
- No, actually. I have a date.
- Really?
693
00:31:26,302 --> 00:31:27,720
With a man or a woman?
694
00:31:27,929 --> 00:31:30,598
A man! Duke,
why would you even ask me that?
695
00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:34,769
Because I overheard Grandma say that
she was beginning to wonder.
696
00:31:34,977 --> 00:31:36,938
You know I'm cool either way.
697
00:31:37,230 --> 00:31:38,606
Yo, sorry I'm late.
698
00:31:38,814 --> 00:31:41,275
- Yo, Bennett, get in the game, let's go.
- What's up, man?
699
00:31:41,484 --> 00:31:43,027
I had the best night
of my entire life last night.
700
00:31:43,236 --> 00:31:44,320
- Is that right?
- Unbelievable.
701
00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:45,613
- Check ball.
- I thought you got fired last night.
702
00:31:45,821 --> 00:31:47,907
That's all right.
I'll make twice as much catering.
703
00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:49,283
- All right. Play ball.
- Hope she's worth it.
704
00:31:49,492 --> 00:31:51,202
What you gonna do with that?
What you gonna do with that?
705
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:52,620
Count it!
706
00:31:53,579 --> 00:31:54,580
Over the back!
707
00:31:55,706 --> 00:31:56,832
See, I'm taking her to The Lounge.
708
00:31:57,041 --> 00:31:58,793
Maurice hooked me up
with a private room...
709
00:31:59,001 --> 00:32:01,128
...and all I gotta pay for
is wine and a fat tip.
710
00:32:01,337 --> 00:32:04,674
Nice. So you gonna be escorting her
in that 2005 Honda Civic...
711
00:32:04,882 --> 00:32:08,344
...with the missing bumper
or that $155,000 car she think you drive?
712
00:32:08,552 --> 00:32:10,388
I'm just gonna level with her, I guess.
713
00:32:11,389 --> 00:32:13,474
And tell her what?
That you an unemployed prep cook?
714
00:32:13,683 --> 00:32:16,727
Zeke, unemployed Culinary Institute
graduate. We talked about this.
715
00:32:16,936 --> 00:32:18,479
- Yes, that's not my point.
- That's stupid.
716
00:32:18,688 --> 00:32:21,691
That's dumb, Dom. You trying
to get some, you gonna have to lie.
717
00:32:21,899 --> 00:32:23,651
Listen, one time I told Gail
I just won the lottery.
718
00:32:23,859 --> 00:32:26,153
I need some gas money so I can
go redeem the ticket. She gave me $20.
719
00:32:26,362 --> 00:32:27,571
Don't lie to her.
720
00:32:27,738 --> 00:32:28,739
I don't want to lie to her.
721
00:32:28,948 --> 00:32:31,909
Okay, hold up.
You don't have to lie. You omit.
722
00:32:32,118 --> 00:32:33,536
Just, no, no, you omit.
723
00:32:33,744 --> 00:32:36,664
You just tell her you're a high-end chef
that's in between gigs.
724
00:32:36,831 --> 00:32:37,873
Your car's in the shop.
725
00:32:38,708 --> 00:32:39,917
She think you drive
an expensive car...
726
00:32:40,084 --> 00:32:41,210
...you're not driving it
because it's in the shop.
727
00:32:41,419 --> 00:32:44,213
Matter of fact, my cousin, he got a
town-car company. I'll get you a town car.
728
00:32:44,422 --> 00:32:46,257
So all you gotta do is wine her,
you dine her...
729
00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:48,759
...you tattoo your name in that ass,
then you tell her the truth.
730
00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:51,304
Gail thought I was an account executive
and I met her in the mail room.
731
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:52,471
I had mail in my hand.
732
00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,015
Yeah, but you became
an account exec right after that.
733
00:32:54,223 --> 00:32:55,266
That had nothing to do with Gail.
734
00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:56,892
- She set up your interview.
- No, she didn't. Thomas did.
735
00:32:57,101 --> 00:32:59,895
Don't cut me off, Mike.
That's what Gail do, I don't like that.
736
00:33:00,104 --> 00:33:01,939
- Why's he so sensitive?
- All right, Dom, either way...
737
00:33:02,148 --> 00:33:03,899
...once a woman's into you,
she'll put up with anything.
738
00:33:04,108 --> 00:33:07,445
- Trust me.
- Only if you're putting it on her right.
739
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:09,447
All right. That's....
740
00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:10,781
Come on, man.
741
00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:12,783
- I'm gonna go clean the ball off.
- Bennett, just wipe it off.
742
00:33:12,992 --> 00:33:15,161
No, I got some sanitizer in my bag.
743
00:33:27,465 --> 00:33:30,134
Sorry, man. Wrong apartment.
744
00:33:31,635 --> 00:33:33,137
That's my lucky chair.
745
00:33:33,346 --> 00:33:34,430
What are you guys doing?
746
00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:36,140
Baby! What do you think?
747
00:33:36,474 --> 00:33:39,935
We spent the entire day at
H.D. Buttercup and we decided to go...
748
00:33:40,144 --> 00:33:42,480
- ...with modern with a mix of vintage.
- "We"?
749
00:33:42,688 --> 00:33:44,940
Yeah. Gianni, our designer.
750
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,695
Old out, new in, beautiful, eh?
751
00:33:52,782 --> 00:33:54,950
I think it doesn't even
look like our place, babe.
752
00:33:55,159 --> 00:33:56,577
Exactly,
it looks like grown-ups live here.
753
00:33:56,786 --> 00:33:58,079
- I love it.
- Stop!
754
00:33:59,663 --> 00:34:01,916
Put the chair down.
755
00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:04,085
The lucky chair stays.
756
00:34:06,754 --> 00:34:07,963
Compromise.
757
00:34:14,887 --> 00:34:17,848
Fuck, what...? You speak Italian now?
758
00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:24,855
Oh, my God.
759
00:34:25,356 --> 00:34:27,191
- That's your dress.
- Yeah?
760
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,860
Your ass looks great in that dress.
761
00:34:30,069 --> 00:34:31,612
No, it's too sexy.
762
00:34:31,821 --> 00:34:33,447
There's no such thing.
763
00:34:33,656 --> 00:34:36,951
Sonia, I want him to last 90 days,
not 90 seconds.
764
00:34:37,159 --> 00:34:40,204
I want to project "Keeper,"
not "Sports Fish."
765
00:34:40,413 --> 00:34:42,331
Okay, what the hell is a sports fish?
766
00:34:42,540 --> 00:34:43,958
See, this is why
you need to read the book!
767
00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:45,501
I don't want to read the book.
768
00:34:45,709 --> 00:34:48,129
Steve says that a guy only fishes
for two reasons.
769
00:34:48,337 --> 00:34:50,047
Number one, he fishes to eat.
770
00:34:50,256 --> 00:34:53,217
That means he's looking for a keeper,
somebody to take home...
771
00:34:53,426 --> 00:34:57,304
...somebody to introduce to his mom,
somebody to build a life with.
772
00:34:57,513 --> 00:34:59,640
Or two, he's looking for a sports fish.
773
00:34:59,849 --> 00:35:03,185
That means he's looking for a trophy,
somebody to show off to his buddies...
774
00:35:03,394 --> 00:35:04,979
...put up on the wall as a prize.
775
00:35:05,187 --> 00:35:08,566
But you gotta be careful with that one,
because he's gonna throw that one back.
776
00:35:08,774 --> 00:35:09,859
Okay.
777
00:35:14,613 --> 00:35:15,698
Okay.
778
00:35:16,991 --> 00:35:18,075
How do I look?
779
00:35:18,367 --> 00:35:21,120
Like a keeper. With a great ass.
780
00:35:21,412 --> 00:35:22,413
- Yeah?
- Yes!
781
00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:25,916
Right. Now, the question is, is he?
782
00:35:26,125 --> 00:35:27,501
Now I just need my hit list.
783
00:35:27,835 --> 00:35:29,128
Now, what the hell is a hit list?
784
00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:30,963
Will you get your wine off my hit list?
785
00:35:31,380 --> 00:35:33,048
Girl, you're crazy.
786
00:35:33,257 --> 00:35:37,595
This is where I wrote down my strategic
dos and don'ts for my date tonight.
787
00:35:37,803 --> 00:35:39,388
Okay, you know you sound like
you're going to war, right?
788
00:35:39,597 --> 00:35:42,349
- Yes, girl, because love is a battlefield.
- Oh, boy.
789
00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:45,019
Steve says you have to set
the requirements very high...
790
00:35:45,227 --> 00:35:46,604
...before you even get in the car...
791
00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:47,897
...because you don't want
to become Chirp-chirp Girl.
792
00:35:48,063 --> 00:35:49,064
A what?
793
00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:51,150
Chirp-chirp.
He just hits the locks and you hop in.
794
00:35:51,358 --> 00:35:52,943
He don't even have to open the door.
795
00:35:53,152 --> 00:35:54,945
I don't see nothing wrong
with being a Chirp-chirp Girl.
796
00:36:10,419 --> 00:36:12,087
You look beautiful.
797
00:36:12,296 --> 00:36:13,422
Thanks.
798
00:36:14,131 --> 00:36:15,382
Amazing.
799
00:36:21,096 --> 00:36:22,306
Sweet!
800
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:26,560
Where to?
Goddamn, look how small your skirt is.
801
00:36:28,270 --> 00:36:29,813
Right. Unprofessional.
802
00:36:30,147 --> 00:36:32,024
Sorry, sir, take it out of my tip.
803
00:36:44,370 --> 00:36:45,996
It's open.
804
00:36:47,331 --> 00:36:48,415
It's open.
805
00:36:48,916 --> 00:36:51,502
I don't go out on dates with guys
who don't open the door for me.
806
00:36:51,877 --> 00:36:53,170
- Really?
- Really.
807
00:36:53,379 --> 00:36:54,713
- Seriously?
- Yes.
808
00:36:54,922 --> 00:36:56,048
Aw, man!
809
00:37:00,052 --> 00:37:01,554
No, he didn't.
810
00:37:06,308 --> 00:37:07,518
Got you!
811
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:12,439
Your chariot awaits.
812
00:37:12,690 --> 00:37:13,691
Thank you.
813
00:37:14,024 --> 00:37:15,776
Funny guy, huh?
814
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:17,695
I do okay.
815
00:37:21,365 --> 00:37:24,702
Look, I think there's a few basic questions
that every woman should ask a man...
816
00:37:24,910 --> 00:37:28,038
...to determine two things:
If this guy has a plan for you...
817
00:37:28,247 --> 00:37:30,833
...or if this guy
is just gonna play with you.
818
00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:33,377
My short-term goals?
819
00:37:33,586 --> 00:37:35,546
What, you mean like tomorrow?
820
00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,176
- I need a bong hit.
- To answer your question...
821
00:37:41,385 --> 00:37:43,887
...I guess my long-term goals
and short-term goals are the same thing.
822
00:37:44,096 --> 00:37:45,306
How so?
823
00:37:46,056 --> 00:37:50,936
Well, my entire life, it's always been
about hard work and improving myself...
824
00:37:51,145 --> 00:37:53,439
...and I guess
what I'm looking for now is...
825
00:37:53,647 --> 00:37:55,649
...you know, someone I can share it with.
826
00:37:56,900 --> 00:37:57,901
- So--
- So have you--
827
00:37:58,110 --> 00:37:59,486
You go ahead, you go. You go.
828
00:38:03,157 --> 00:38:05,576
What are your short-term goals?
829
00:38:06,243 --> 00:38:10,372
You know what? I'd like to skip dinner
and get right to dessert.
830
00:38:11,081 --> 00:38:12,082
That's where it started...
831
00:38:12,249 --> 00:38:13,500
- ...you know?
- Really?
832
00:38:13,709 --> 00:38:16,086
This is a great choice.
833
00:38:16,295 --> 00:38:18,255
Thank you. Thank you.
834
00:38:18,464 --> 00:38:20,758
So Lauren, tell me more about yourself.
What do you do?
835
00:38:21,467 --> 00:38:22,968
I'm in management.
836
00:38:23,177 --> 00:38:27,097
For a media company. Yeah.
But I don't wanna talk about me, my work.
837
00:38:27,306 --> 00:38:29,141
Long week.
838
00:38:29,391 --> 00:38:31,185
So tell me about you. What do you do?
839
00:38:32,269 --> 00:38:34,647
I'm a chef.
840
00:38:34,855 --> 00:38:36,732
Really? Where?
841
00:38:37,316 --> 00:38:38,859
Well, I'm actually...
842
00:38:39,693 --> 00:38:44,114
- ...deciding between two different offers.
- That good, huh?
843
00:38:44,615 --> 00:38:48,827
Yeah. But I don't wanna--
I kinda don't want to jinx it, you know?
844
00:38:49,036 --> 00:38:51,538
No, I get it. No, don't, you shouldn't.
845
00:38:52,915 --> 00:38:55,959
Okay, you know what?
Let's not even talk about work anymore.
846
00:38:56,168 --> 00:38:57,670
Yeah, let's not.
847
00:38:57,878 --> 00:39:00,798
So, what are your views on relationships?
848
00:39:01,006 --> 00:39:03,467
Or your long-term goals. Either one.
849
00:39:08,889 --> 00:39:12,434
To be honest, I really want to open
my own restaurant one day.
850
00:39:14,353 --> 00:39:16,772
Sorry, that's work.
851
00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:18,857
No, that's a dream.
852
00:39:20,025 --> 00:39:21,944
We can talk about dreams.
Dreams are good.
853
00:39:22,695 --> 00:39:26,240
It's nice to hear a woman
actually say that.
854
00:39:26,448 --> 00:39:29,451
I just believe you can make
any dream come true...
855
00:39:30,244 --> 00:39:33,080
...if you're willing
to work hard enough to get it.
856
00:39:34,123 --> 00:39:35,999
I couldn't agree with you more.
857
00:39:37,084 --> 00:39:38,711
- Cheers.
- Salud.
858
00:39:50,848 --> 00:39:53,350
Remember when we were in college
and we used to get...
859
00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:56,687
...so high and talk for hours?
860
00:39:57,604 --> 00:39:58,689
Yeah.
861
00:40:00,274 --> 00:40:05,112
Like about our dreams,
and like our plans and our goals.
862
00:40:05,487 --> 00:40:07,156
And time travel.
863
00:40:07,364 --> 00:40:10,242
Like, what do you think about
the future, Jeremy?
864
00:40:10,534 --> 00:40:15,998
I don't think we'll be riding around
in hovercrafts or anything, but droids.
865
00:40:16,206 --> 00:40:18,709
Definitely droids. There better be droids.
866
00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:21,628
No, I mean, like your future, Jeremy.
867
00:40:22,254 --> 00:40:25,048
What are your long-term goals, Jeremy?
868
00:40:28,510 --> 00:40:30,262
Who are you, Oprah?
869
00:40:31,263 --> 00:40:32,806
You're funny.
870
00:40:34,725 --> 00:40:38,812
I just have this amazing idea
of a rocker, chic kinda look...
871
00:40:39,396 --> 00:40:40,439
...so, it's really exciting.
872
00:40:40,647 --> 00:40:42,149
- No, that is exciting.
- Yeah.
873
00:40:42,357 --> 00:40:43,400
Yeah.
874
00:40:43,859 --> 00:40:44,902
So...
875
00:40:45,569 --> 00:40:48,781
...what are some of your long-term goals?
876
00:40:49,615 --> 00:40:51,909
Kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants
kind of guy, you know?
877
00:40:52,993 --> 00:40:54,077
Oh, okay.
878
00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:56,997
That's cool.
879
00:41:00,459 --> 00:41:03,420
Oh, turn that up.
Turn that up, turn that up.
880
00:41:03,796 --> 00:41:06,048
That is my-- Yeah.
881
00:41:06,298 --> 00:41:09,426
- You know these guys?
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
882
00:41:10,344 --> 00:41:12,429
My band opened for them once.
883
00:41:13,055 --> 00:41:14,473
You have a band?
884
00:41:14,681 --> 00:41:15,724
Had.
885
00:41:16,433 --> 00:41:17,976
Had a record deal for a second.
886
00:41:18,310 --> 00:41:20,187
Let me hear your CD. Come on!
887
00:41:20,395 --> 00:41:22,314
What makes you think that I have a CD?
888
00:41:22,523 --> 00:41:24,566
I don't know anybody who's been
in an RandB band...
889
00:41:24,775 --> 00:41:25,901
...who doesn't have their own CD
in their car.
890
00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:29,321
Wow, I feel so unique right now,
it's crazy.
891
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:31,406
- That's why you're reaching for it.
- Yeah.
892
00:41:32,533 --> 00:41:34,034
Let me see it.
893
00:41:35,244 --> 00:41:36,787
Wow!
894
00:41:36,995 --> 00:41:38,163
That is crazy.
895
00:41:38,372 --> 00:41:40,374
Hey, at least I didn't have a Jheri curl.
896
00:41:40,582 --> 00:41:41,667
What?
897
00:41:42,334 --> 00:41:43,502
Play me your favorite track.
898
00:41:45,754 --> 00:41:46,797
Wow.
899
00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:49,758
Please say a command.
900
00:41:49,925 --> 00:41:51,718
CD. Play track...
901
00:41:54,263 --> 00:41:55,264
...seven.
902
00:41:55,472 --> 00:41:57,307
Playing track seven.
903
00:41:57,808 --> 00:42:02,145
Last night I had a dream about a dream
904
00:42:03,063 --> 00:42:05,148
About you
905
00:42:08,527 --> 00:42:09,945
You wrote this?
906
00:42:10,153 --> 00:42:16,493
Now every time I think it seems to be
About you
907
00:42:19,955 --> 00:42:21,373
This is beautiful.
908
00:42:21,582 --> 00:42:24,668
One minute I was over love
909
00:42:26,003 --> 00:42:29,882
A second later I was a part of us
910
00:42:30,090 --> 00:42:31,133
Who was she?
911
00:42:31,508 --> 00:42:32,551
Who?
912
00:42:33,093 --> 00:42:34,511
The girl who broke your heart.
913
00:42:35,053 --> 00:42:36,889
What makes you think
a girl broke my heart?
914
00:42:38,432 --> 00:42:39,474
Track seven.
915
00:42:44,021 --> 00:42:46,106
I left that all on the track.
916
00:42:46,315 --> 00:42:51,236
Last night I had a dream about a dream
About...
917
00:42:56,575 --> 00:42:57,576
Oh, my God.
918
00:43:00,996 --> 00:43:03,790
- Okay. Okay, wait, wait, wait.
- What's wrong, what's wrong?
919
00:43:03,999 --> 00:43:07,336
It's just--
I don't do this on the first date.
920
00:43:07,544 --> 00:43:09,546
Okay, I understand.
921
00:43:09,755 --> 00:43:12,591
I'm a Christian too.
I respect that, you know, and--
922
00:43:15,594 --> 00:43:17,554
I had a really wonderful time.
923
00:43:17,763 --> 00:43:19,056
Me too.
924
00:43:20,724 --> 00:43:22,476
Well, thanks.
925
00:43:26,980 --> 00:43:29,650
- There. I accomplished it.
- Accomplished what?
926
00:43:30,108 --> 00:43:32,152
My real short-term goal.
927
00:43:32,361 --> 00:43:33,820
You dog.
928
00:43:34,154 --> 00:43:35,197
So listen.
929
00:43:35,405 --> 00:43:38,200
I've been thinking about this all night.
I want you to meet my mother.
930
00:43:38,408 --> 00:43:40,535
- Really?
- It would really mean a lot to me.
931
00:43:40,953 --> 00:43:42,079
Well...
932
00:43:43,497 --> 00:43:44,831
...I'd like you to meet my son.
933
00:43:45,499 --> 00:43:48,377
I would love that.
Just name the time and place--
934
00:43:48,877 --> 00:43:51,838
Hi, I'm Duke. Did you touch my mama?
935
00:43:52,047 --> 00:43:55,175
Whoa, no.
It was PG, little homey, not even PG-13.
936
00:43:55,384 --> 00:43:57,761
Sure. You like video games?
937
00:43:57,970 --> 00:43:59,429
Have you ever
played Street Racer Three?
938
00:43:59,638 --> 00:44:01,848
- No.
- Then you haven't lived, my man!
939
00:44:04,893 --> 00:44:06,728
You have a good night,
all right, Candace?
940
00:44:06,937 --> 00:44:07,938
Good night. Thank you.
941
00:44:08,146 --> 00:44:11,566
- It's nice to meet you, Duke. Make sure--
- Nice to meet you too.
942
00:44:12,442 --> 00:44:14,319
I really had a nice time tonight.
943
00:44:14,528 --> 00:44:16,238
I had a really good time too.
944
00:44:23,412 --> 00:44:24,621
Okay, okay, okay.
945
00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:27,958
This is officially good night.
946
00:44:28,166 --> 00:44:31,753
Okay, you know what?
I could use a nightcap.
947
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:33,964
- A nightcap.
- Yeah.
948
00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:37,676
Yeah. There's this really nice bar
around the corner.
949
00:44:37,884 --> 00:44:41,054
- You should have fun.
- What-- So it's like that?
950
00:44:41,263 --> 00:44:42,764
You have no idea.
951
00:44:43,181 --> 00:44:45,350
So how long are we talking
before I get invited up?
952
00:44:46,893 --> 00:44:47,894
Five dates.
953
00:44:48,937 --> 00:44:50,564
For a nightcap.
954
00:44:52,649 --> 00:44:53,859
Good night.
955
00:44:58,822 --> 00:45:00,282
This bitch is crazy.
956
00:45:20,677 --> 00:45:22,012
Morning, beautiful.
957
00:45:22,971 --> 00:45:24,139
Hi.
958
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:26,767
Thanks.
959
00:45:28,018 --> 00:45:30,520
- I made you breakfast.
- Seriously?
960
00:45:30,937 --> 00:45:32,105
Yeah.
961
00:45:32,731 --> 00:45:34,691
- From my kitchen?
- Let me take that.
962
00:45:36,151 --> 00:45:38,028
It's a simple eggs Florentine,
but with a twist...
963
00:45:38,236 --> 00:45:40,739
...because I used the ingredients
from your Thai takeouts.
964
00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:43,325
- Simple? This looks amazing.
- Well, let me know what you think.
965
00:45:46,787 --> 00:45:48,455
This is so good.
966
00:45:48,872 --> 00:45:50,581
Yeah? Well, I love a woman who can eat.
967
00:45:52,626 --> 00:45:54,419
And I love a man who can cook.
968
00:45:54,628 --> 00:45:57,047
Maybe you'll let me do it again
for you sometime.
969
00:45:58,340 --> 00:45:59,800
Juice, please?
970
00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:02,636
A little spicy?
971
00:46:06,515 --> 00:46:07,933
Thanks.
972
00:46:10,310 --> 00:46:11,645
Who's that?
973
00:46:12,270 --> 00:46:14,106
That's my best friend, Candace.
974
00:46:14,314 --> 00:46:15,649
- Okay.
- And my godson, Duke.
975
00:46:16,983 --> 00:46:21,905
You know, you're not exactly what I
picture when I hear the word "godmother."
976
00:46:22,989 --> 00:46:24,282
Thank God for that.
977
00:46:33,208 --> 00:46:35,335
You let yourself in again, huh?
978
00:46:36,169 --> 00:46:39,131
I didn't expect you to be here. I figured
you'd be tiptoeing around her place.
979
00:46:39,339 --> 00:46:41,591
Well, first of all, I live here, not you.
980
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:45,220
And second, she has this five-date rule
before I get invited up.
981
00:46:45,428 --> 00:46:48,515
Can you believe that?
I'm the Negro Gigolo, the original Nigolo.
982
00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:51,434
Five dates? What, is she some type
of Farrakhan Muslim or something?
983
00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:52,643
She's a diva.
984
00:46:52,811 --> 00:46:54,980
She literally refuses to walk through
a door unless I open it for her.
985
00:46:55,188 --> 00:46:57,899
Gail used to do that.
Gail used to get on my nerves with that.
986
00:46:58,108 --> 00:47:00,902
"Get the door for me. How am I walk in
and you ain't open the door?"
987
00:47:01,111 --> 00:47:03,864
"My hands hurt.
You better open that goddamn door!"
988
00:47:04,072 --> 00:47:06,158
- That's why I'm gonna end it right now.
- Yeah, you need to.
989
00:47:06,366 --> 00:47:08,785
Because you don't need her.
You got me, and what we got is special.
990
00:47:08,994 --> 00:47:10,453
Open her door.
991
00:47:10,829 --> 00:47:13,582
It's 2012.
Come around and open my door.
992
00:47:13,790 --> 00:47:15,417
I don't know, Sonia,
I just felt like a different woman.
993
00:47:15,625 --> 00:47:18,461
I felt so in control and strong, and--
994
00:47:18,669 --> 00:47:20,463
- What about him?
- Well, I think--
995
00:47:20,630 --> 00:47:22,215
Zeke - Are U available for dinner
tomorrow night?
996
00:47:24,509 --> 00:47:25,719
It's him.
997
00:47:26,803 --> 00:47:29,014
"Are you available for dinner
tomorrow night?"
998
00:47:29,264 --> 00:47:31,850
- Well, are you?
- Well, I do believe that I am.
999
00:47:32,058 --> 00:47:35,562
But I do not go out with guys
who ask me via text.
1000
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:38,773
She trippin'.
1001
00:47:38,982 --> 00:47:40,817
You know, Gail always
suggested them egg whites...
1002
00:47:40,984 --> 00:47:42,319
...she said they was better for you.
1003
00:47:42,527 --> 00:47:44,905
Hey, can you put a shirt on
while you cooking, man?
1004
00:47:46,656 --> 00:47:47,782
Look at these hours.
1005
00:47:47,991 --> 00:47:49,910
What you come in here glowing
for like you're pregnant?
1006
00:47:50,118 --> 00:47:51,328
My boys.
1007
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,915
Hey, you got some. Oh!
On the first date?
1008
00:47:55,123 --> 00:47:57,792
- Homey scored.
- Yeah, I did.
1009
00:47:58,585 --> 00:48:00,128
And I'm totally screwed.
1010
00:48:00,337 --> 00:48:01,671
We never once talked about my job.
1011
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,424
- You really like him.
- I really do.
1012
00:48:05,508 --> 00:48:06,968
I don't even know how much he makes.
1013
00:48:07,469 --> 00:48:09,095
And you know what? I don't care!
1014
00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:10,764
I believe in his dreams.
1015
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:12,891
She thinks I'm a chef on the rise.
1016
00:48:13,058 --> 00:48:14,059
With a cold-ass Benz.
1017
00:48:14,267 --> 00:48:15,852
And a sexy limo driver.
I looked good last night.
1018
00:48:16,061 --> 00:48:17,229
I had the hat cocked to the side.
1019
00:48:17,437 --> 00:48:20,148
Guys, she's going to run
when I tell her the truth.
1020
00:48:20,357 --> 00:48:22,108
Whatever you do,
you don't tell her the truth.
1021
00:48:22,275 --> 00:48:23,276
- Thank you.
- You delay.
1022
00:48:23,443 --> 00:48:25,195
Hell, I wouldn't tell her
until she was in her third trimester.
1023
00:48:25,403 --> 00:48:27,030
- Yeah, I can't do that.
- Dom, I know you, okay?
1024
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:29,908
And you're trying to grow a conscience
here. Trust me on this one.
1025
00:48:30,116 --> 00:48:33,495
Honesty is overrated, man.
Hey, that's in the Bible. Old Testament.
1026
00:48:34,287 --> 00:48:36,831
I just don't want a relationship
based on lies.
1027
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:38,166
That's called marriage.
1028
00:48:38,375 --> 00:48:41,461
Dom, you don't fool me. I know
what this is about. This is about sex.
1029
00:48:41,670 --> 00:48:43,213
You didn't do what you were
supposed to do in the bedroom.
1030
00:48:43,421 --> 00:48:45,715
That's why you walk through here
with your shoulders all slouched...
1031
00:48:45,924 --> 00:48:47,384
...and your self-esteem all low.
1032
00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:50,553
It's true. When you don't smash right,
the insecurities come out on you.
1033
00:48:50,761 --> 00:48:53,932
You know what he did? He gave it a LD.
Lazy Doodle. That's exactly what he did.
1034
00:48:54,140 --> 00:48:56,393
Right. You gotta put it down like
the right enforcement.
1035
00:48:56,893 --> 00:48:59,229
I can't do this no more. I'm done.
I'm done with this.
1036
00:48:59,437 --> 00:49:03,525
Like, dude, put a shirt on. It's us!
There's no one else here, just us!
1037
00:49:03,984 --> 00:49:06,278
So you're telling me she's got a son?
1038
00:49:06,486 --> 00:49:09,780
Yeah! Duke. He's six years old.
An amazing kid, full of energy.
1039
00:49:09,990 --> 00:49:11,992
That's an awful lot of responsibility,
baby.
1040
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,160
Well, she's a really
responsible woman, Ma.
1041
00:49:14,369 --> 00:49:16,371
I'm not talking about her,
I'm talking about you.
1042
00:49:17,622 --> 00:49:21,167
You really think you got what it takes
to date a single mother?
1043
00:49:21,376 --> 00:49:24,337
Well, I was raised by
a single mother, wasn't I?
1044
00:49:25,130 --> 00:49:26,840
Oh, but I'm one of a kind, baby.
1045
00:49:27,048 --> 00:49:30,635
Trust me, Ma. You are going to love her.
1046
00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:34,431
Thank God!
1047
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:36,933
Somewhere familiar.
1048
00:49:37,142 --> 00:49:39,477
Some place that hasn't changed,
that still looks the same.
1049
00:49:39,686 --> 00:49:41,354
Yo, J, what's wrong with you?
1050
00:49:41,563 --> 00:49:45,108
My Fortress of Solitude has morphed
into a damn Bed, Bath and Beyond.
1051
00:49:45,317 --> 00:49:47,485
- What does that mean?
- I'm telling you, he talks in code.
1052
00:49:47,694 --> 00:49:49,446
Listen, Kristen, she redecorated.
1053
00:49:49,654 --> 00:49:51,406
Redecorated? Why didn't you say that?
1054
00:49:51,614 --> 00:49:54,451
No, no, no, she didn't redecorate.
She obliterated.
1055
00:49:54,659 --> 00:49:57,370
Every trace of my identity, gone!
My anime posters...
1056
00:49:57,579 --> 00:50:00,707
...Battlestar Galactica shot glasses
that you used to like, it's all gone.
1057
00:50:00,915 --> 00:50:01,916
May I?
1058
00:50:02,125 --> 00:50:04,502
Wait a minute. She ain't even ask you?
She just threw your stuff out?
1059
00:50:04,711 --> 00:50:06,755
- That's some takeover shit right there.
- That's crazy.
1060
00:50:06,963 --> 00:50:09,090
I was starting to feel like someone else.
1061
00:50:09,299 --> 00:50:12,594
Someone warm and modern
with a smattering of vintage.
1062
00:50:12,802 --> 00:50:15,555
That's probably your lips tingling.
It's a STD.
1063
00:50:15,764 --> 00:50:16,806
You just put your mouth
on Zeke's drink.
1064
00:50:17,015 --> 00:50:18,808
- And she threw away my couch!
- Thank God!
1065
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:21,978
Hail Kristen!
1066
00:50:22,187 --> 00:50:24,481
- That couch has a lot of memories, guys.
- Is that what that smell was?
1067
00:50:24,689 --> 00:50:27,150
- Yeah, all of us got laid on that couch.
- Twice.
1068
00:50:27,359 --> 00:50:28,693
- You had that couch since college, right?
- Yes!
1069
00:50:28,902 --> 00:50:29,944
That's some white boy shit.
1070
00:50:30,153 --> 00:50:32,447
- No, that's some Jeremy shit.
- No, that's some white boy shit.
1071
00:50:32,655 --> 00:50:34,657
I graduated college, I got rid of my couch.
1072
00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:35,950
What college did you go to?
1073
00:50:36,159 --> 00:50:38,828
DeVry, Class of February. Valedictorian.
1074
00:50:39,037 --> 00:50:40,038
Whose side are you on?
1075
00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:42,165
Ain't no brother on the planet
gonna let no fine-ass sista...
1076
00:50:42,374 --> 00:50:43,958
...sit on no stinky-ass couch from college.
1077
00:50:44,167 --> 00:50:45,960
- Preach, boy!
- It don't matter what happen...
1078
00:50:46,378 --> 00:50:48,630
...you go and you find a way to get
that furniture, figure how to pay for it later.
1079
00:50:48,838 --> 00:50:51,424
Yeah, don't do that, though. That's called
negro shit. Don't ever do that.
1080
00:50:51,633 --> 00:50:52,717
That is negro shit!
1081
00:50:52,926 --> 00:50:55,011
You guys do that a lot.
You pay for something you can't afford.
1082
00:50:55,220 --> 00:50:57,514
Ced, you couldn't even
afford your wedding!
1083
00:50:57,722 --> 00:50:59,224
I'm making my payments.
1084
00:50:59,432 --> 00:51:00,433
Listen, Kristen is a great girl.
1085
00:51:00,642 --> 00:51:03,186
Don't mess up something good
over a damn couch, all right?
1086
00:51:03,436 --> 00:51:04,771
Something's up.
1087
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:06,815
The game was on...
1088
00:51:07,023 --> 00:51:08,483
...but not the one we were watching.
1089
00:51:09,025 --> 00:51:11,611
While we were sitting there on our asses
watching the game...
1090
00:51:11,820 --> 00:51:13,321
...our team was getting destroyed.
1091
00:51:13,780 --> 00:51:17,075
The other team was drawing up plays,
planning their strategies...
1092
00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:19,411
...and plotting their next moves.
1093
00:51:20,537 --> 00:51:21,830
Hey, you.
1094
00:51:22,038 --> 00:51:23,373
You still up?
1095
00:51:23,581 --> 00:51:24,958
I thought you were sleeping.
1096
00:51:26,835 --> 00:51:29,337
- I couldn't put this down.
- Yeah.
1097
00:51:29,546 --> 00:51:32,006
Jeremy didn't even know
he was under attack.
1098
00:51:32,674 --> 00:51:36,719
God, it was such a trip.
I ran into Sarah's little brother.
1099
00:51:37,429 --> 00:51:39,930
And he told me he got a job at Neversoft.
1100
00:51:41,307 --> 00:51:42,308
Cool.
1101
00:51:42,475 --> 00:51:43,476
Yeah.
1102
00:51:43,685 --> 00:51:46,646
Weren't you offered
an internship there once?
1103
00:51:46,855 --> 00:51:49,566
Yeah. Turned it down for a real job.
1104
00:51:50,066 --> 00:51:53,069
Right, yeah, that junior level one
that you're still in.
1105
00:51:53,570 --> 00:51:54,571
What?
1106
00:52:00,410 --> 00:52:01,870
My brothers didn't even know
they were at war.
1107
00:52:02,078 --> 00:52:04,998
They were lost in the honeymoon phase.
1108
00:52:05,206 --> 00:52:06,749
They were too busy enjoying the ride.
1109
00:52:06,957 --> 00:52:09,043
All right, who's hungry?
1110
00:52:09,461 --> 00:52:11,337
I'm hungry, but, babe, babe!
1111
00:52:11,546 --> 00:52:12,963
Damn! Look at that ass!
1112
00:52:13,173 --> 00:52:14,340
That's nice. She's hot.
1113
00:52:14,549 --> 00:52:15,633
Guys, come on,
that's somebody's daughter.
1114
00:52:15,842 --> 00:52:18,470
Wait, that's the baby mama?
That's Candace?
1115
00:52:18,678 --> 00:52:21,306
- That is Candace.
- I know the baby mama.
1116
00:52:22,849 --> 00:52:25,351
No, she's Lauren's best friend.
1117
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,313
So apparently they play basketball
three times a week at the Y...
1118
00:52:28,521 --> 00:52:31,733
...and Dominic says that Michael
is the most successful guy he knows.
1119
00:52:31,941 --> 00:52:33,693
- Really?
- You scored!
1120
00:52:33,902 --> 00:52:35,778
I did well? You know what...
1121
00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:38,448
...Michael said Dominic
is a really amazing chef.
1122
00:52:38,656 --> 00:52:41,159
I know, I know! I love food.
1123
00:52:41,367 --> 00:52:42,869
- Oh, no, bitch.
- What?
1124
00:52:43,077 --> 00:52:44,746
We can double date.
1125
00:52:47,624 --> 00:52:50,043
- Oh, that's not good.
- That's not good at all.
1126
00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:52,545
- Let's go play basketball, guys.
- Yeah, let's do that.
1127
00:52:52,754 --> 00:52:54,130
Whatever you do, don't double date.
1128
00:52:54,339 --> 00:52:56,508
That's right. Damn, Ced.
1129
00:52:57,300 --> 00:52:58,468
Really?
1130
00:52:58,801 --> 00:53:00,261
I was in the middle of getting dressed.
1131
00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,263
J, you're losing the game for us!
1132
00:53:02,472 --> 00:53:04,724
- Me?
- Yo, you are killing us right now.
1133
00:53:04,933 --> 00:53:06,226
I'm setting screens,
you gotta be using the screens.
1134
00:53:06,434 --> 00:53:09,187
- You shot one for 27.
- The shot I made was a game changer, J.
1135
00:53:09,395 --> 00:53:12,232
That's it, I'm done. New teams next week.
I'm not being on his team anymore.
1136
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:13,858
I'm not the one
that's not coming off the picks!
1137
00:53:14,067 --> 00:53:16,819
Excuse me, y'all done here?
We want to play some full court.
1138
00:53:17,070 --> 00:53:18,071
- Oh, yeah.
- Y'all take it.
1139
00:53:18,238 --> 00:53:19,781
No, no, no, we're not.
1140
00:53:19,989 --> 00:53:21,824
Got a lot more basketball
to play over here, fellas...
1141
00:53:22,032 --> 00:53:24,118
...so looks like you picked
the wrong court to try and come and take.
1142
00:53:24,327 --> 00:53:25,578
We just ran three games!
1143
00:53:25,787 --> 00:53:27,580
- Yeah, Ced, we're good.
- No, we're not.
1144
00:53:27,747 --> 00:53:29,874
We are not good. Sorry.
1145
00:53:30,083 --> 00:53:31,960
Yo, so y'all stepping off or what?
1146
00:53:32,168 --> 00:53:33,378
Yeah, we were stepping.
I was stepping on--
1147
00:53:33,586 --> 00:53:35,505
Stepping off? Who are you, Shaft?
1148
00:53:35,713 --> 00:53:37,047
How about you get some language
from this year?
1149
00:53:37,257 --> 00:53:39,968
So why don't you,
and the stronger version of Prince...
1150
00:53:40,176 --> 00:53:42,345
...go back down to that side of the court
and do what y'all was doing?
1151
00:53:42,554 --> 00:53:45,139
Because if y'all want the court,
you'll play us for the court like real men.
1152
00:53:45,348 --> 00:53:46,432
So y'all want to play for it.
1153
00:53:46,641 --> 00:53:47,850
You heard what I said.
1154
00:53:48,268 --> 00:53:50,311
Am I stuttering, huh? Suckers.
1155
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:52,480
- They're not gonna punk us. We men!
- Ced.
1156
00:53:52,689 --> 00:53:55,858
- People come in here, think they got us.
- You are not serious.
1157
00:53:56,066 --> 00:53:58,194
I am serious. It is what it is.
1158
00:53:58,903 --> 00:54:00,113
Oh, shit.
1159
00:54:03,199 --> 00:54:06,411
I thought it was just two of them.
I did not see the rest.
1160
00:54:06,619 --> 00:54:08,580
Turn around and say you're sorry.
1161
00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:10,248
- It's too late. We're in it.
- Apologize.
1162
00:54:10,456 --> 00:54:13,209
No, I'm not apologizing for shit.
Michael, this is when you be a man!
1163
00:54:13,418 --> 00:54:17,213
All right, guys. If a game is what you
want, a game is what you gonna get.
1164
00:54:17,422 --> 00:54:19,591
- You wanna play?
- Ced, let him go!
1165
00:54:19,799 --> 00:54:21,134
- Cedric!
- What are you doing?
1166
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,137
- You okay?
- Get up, get up.
1167
00:54:24,345 --> 00:54:25,888
So embarrassing.
1168
00:54:26,848 --> 00:54:28,641
- I really tried to take it.
- It was obvious.
1169
00:54:28,850 --> 00:54:31,561
I really did. I swear to God,
I gave it everything I had.
1170
00:54:31,769 --> 00:54:34,397
I sprained my esophagus in the last
game, so I'm gonna sit this one out.
1171
00:54:34,564 --> 00:54:35,648
Your esophagus is in your throat.
1172
00:54:35,815 --> 00:54:37,483
- Shut up, Bennett.
- Zeke, we need six.
1173
00:54:37,984 --> 00:54:40,069
Zeke! Forget Zeke,
we'll just have to play with five.
1174
00:54:40,278 --> 00:54:42,655
Listen, we are men. We tie
our shoes up the same way they do.
1175
00:54:42,864 --> 00:54:45,366
- Yeah, their shoes are bigger.
- It don't matter. Be a man!
1176
00:54:45,575 --> 00:54:47,952
When I come out this, you better say
who you got and you better mean it.
1177
00:54:48,161 --> 00:54:50,455
Let's go. D up.
1178
00:54:50,913 --> 00:54:54,417
I got her. Let's go. Get yours. I got mine.
1179
00:54:54,709 --> 00:54:57,378
We welcome you all
to the JW Marriott Los Angeles.
1180
00:54:57,587 --> 00:54:58,880
But then, the bubble burst.
1181
00:54:59,088 --> 00:55:02,091
For Dominic, the tables turned
on Tuesday afternoon.
1182
00:55:02,717 --> 00:55:04,218
- -the best year
in your company's history.
1183
00:55:04,427 --> 00:55:09,265
She is not just the youngest COO
you've ever had, but the very best.
1184
00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:11,768
Ladies and gentlemen, Lauren Harris.
1185
00:55:13,853 --> 00:55:16,105
Thank you.
1186
00:55:20,193 --> 00:55:21,486
Aw, shit.
1187
00:55:23,196 --> 00:55:24,906
- Mom? There you go.
- Hey!
1188
00:55:25,114 --> 00:55:27,200
Mom, I would like you to meet Candace.
1189
00:55:27,408 --> 00:55:28,409
Hi!
1190
00:55:28,618 --> 00:55:30,703
For Michael, the bomb dropped
on Wednesday.
1191
00:55:30,870 --> 00:55:32,330
I've heard so much about you.
1192
00:55:32,747 --> 00:55:34,874
Well, I've heard nothing about you!
1193
00:55:35,458 --> 00:55:37,418
We just talked about her last night
at dinner. What are you--
1194
00:55:37,627 --> 00:55:40,421
- Well, I don't remember.
- Mom, why are you--
1195
00:55:40,630 --> 00:55:41,839
I don't remember.
1196
00:55:45,385 --> 00:55:48,680
It's beautiful, your home.
Just gorgeous. It's great.
1197
00:55:53,935 --> 00:55:59,440
Oh, wow, look! Look at this,
I have this exact same frame for my son!
1198
00:55:59,899 --> 00:56:02,568
Oh, that's right,
you're the one with the child.
1199
00:56:04,362 --> 00:56:06,196
Now let me ask you, sweetie...
1200
00:56:07,323 --> 00:56:11,494
...what does your baby's daddy think
about you dating my Michael?
1201
00:56:13,538 --> 00:56:15,039
Or is he incarcerated?
1202
00:56:15,248 --> 00:56:18,334
You know, how you people run around,
I don't know.
1203
00:56:19,127 --> 00:56:20,503
Incarcerated? No, why would you--
1204
00:56:20,712 --> 00:56:22,004
Candace, would you like a tour
of the house?
1205
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:24,674
Yeah, why don't we give Tandace
a tour of the house?
1206
00:56:24,882 --> 00:56:26,509
Candace. It is Candace.
1207
00:56:26,718 --> 00:56:27,844
Tan-- Tandace?
1208
00:56:28,177 --> 00:56:31,221
It's-- Candace, with a--
1209
00:56:32,056 --> 00:56:34,100
I can tell she really likes you.
1210
00:56:34,308 --> 00:56:36,226
- Come on, let's take a tour.
- Now come on, let's take a look.
1211
00:56:36,436 --> 00:56:38,896
- Just come on.
- Doesn't it tell a story?
1212
00:56:39,105 --> 00:56:43,151
I've tried to capture all the special
moments with me and my baby boy.
1213
00:56:43,359 --> 00:56:45,153
I bet you don't remember
when I got you that bracelet, though.
1214
00:56:45,361 --> 00:56:49,866
Outside of Paris, this little shop
with the cute little jewelry--
1215
00:56:50,074 --> 00:56:52,076
Remember that look on your face
when you opened up that box?
1216
00:56:52,285 --> 00:56:53,286
Yeah, I know, I know.
1217
00:56:53,494 --> 00:56:54,996
I thought we were in Milan.
1218
00:56:55,204 --> 00:56:56,372
No, we'd come from that restaurant--
1219
00:56:56,581 --> 00:57:00,250
Oh, baby, you're in my room.
It's where all the magic happens, girl.
1220
00:57:00,460 --> 00:57:01,711
- Wow.
- What do you think?
1221
00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:03,463
It's like a time capsule.
1222
00:57:03,671 --> 00:57:07,425
Oh, I keep everything the same for him,
for when he sleeps over.
1223
00:57:07,633 --> 00:57:08,843
You sleep over?
1224
00:57:09,051 --> 00:57:10,386
Just on Sunday nights, baby.
It's nothing.
1225
00:57:10,595 --> 00:57:15,057
And Sunday nights have always been
reserved for his mother.
1226
00:57:15,308 --> 00:57:17,685
And they always will be.
1227
00:57:17,894 --> 00:57:21,063
I make his favorite food,
and then we play rummy.
1228
00:57:21,272 --> 00:57:24,442
Mom is the best rummy player right here.
1229
00:57:28,404 --> 00:57:29,405
Come on.
1230
00:57:29,614 --> 00:57:31,365
I'm not gonna do it,
not in front of Candace.
1231
00:57:31,574 --> 00:57:33,159
Well, let me get your laundry.
1232
00:57:33,367 --> 00:57:34,410
Laundry?
1233
00:57:34,619 --> 00:57:37,371
Let me help you with that, Mom.
I need some more socks, Mom.
1234
00:57:37,580 --> 00:57:38,915
They stink!
1235
00:57:39,540 --> 00:57:42,919
But you know, I don't mind the stinking.
I just gotta scrub them a little more.
1236
00:57:43,127 --> 00:57:47,131
Scrubba-dub-dub.
Baby Michael in the tub!
1237
00:57:49,342 --> 00:57:50,384
MAMA'S BOYS
1238
00:57:50,551 --> 00:57:51,844
excessively attached to their mothers
1239
00:57:52,011 --> 00:57:53,221
he doesn't want to grow up
1240
00:57:53,429 --> 00:57:54,472
they just can't compete
1241
00:57:57,350 --> 00:57:58,392
Shit.
1242
00:57:59,101 --> 00:58:01,062
For Zeke,
the cookie crumbled on Thursday.
1243
00:58:01,270 --> 00:58:04,106
So the night is young.
What do you wanna do?
1244
00:58:05,483 --> 00:58:08,402
Well, it is our fifth date, right?
1245
00:58:09,987 --> 00:58:12,615
It is? I don't know, I lost count.
1246
00:58:13,366 --> 00:58:14,784
Did you really?
1247
00:58:17,078 --> 00:58:20,289
So nightcap?
1248
00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:23,125
Okay.
1249
00:58:24,836 --> 00:58:26,087
Yeah.
1250
00:58:26,295 --> 00:58:31,217
So it's kind of small, but I really got it
for the French windows...
1251
00:58:32,718 --> 00:58:34,595
...and because it's close to work.
1252
00:58:35,429 --> 00:58:37,849
- So--
- Stunning.
1253
00:58:40,518 --> 00:58:44,146
Yeah, maybe we should
get more comfortable.
1254
00:58:44,564 --> 00:58:45,565
Yeah.
1255
00:58:45,731 --> 00:58:46,899
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1256
00:58:48,776 --> 00:58:50,820
I'm gonna put on some music.
1257
00:58:51,571 --> 00:58:55,992
Or you know what? Better yet,
maybe you should go ahead and choose.
1258
00:58:56,576 --> 00:58:57,618
Cool.
1259
00:58:58,828 --> 00:59:00,121
That vinyl?
1260
00:59:00,329 --> 00:59:02,832
Yeah, I'm a bit of a purist.
1261
00:59:04,041 --> 00:59:05,960
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
1262
00:59:06,168 --> 00:59:07,670
Don't leave. I mean--
1263
00:59:09,046 --> 00:59:10,464
Don't leave.
1264
00:59:10,673 --> 00:59:12,717
- I won't leave.
- Okay. All right.
1265
00:59:17,555 --> 00:59:20,182
Wow. You really are a purist.
1266
00:59:21,392 --> 00:59:23,561
How the hell did you get this on vinyl?
1267
00:59:23,895 --> 00:59:24,937
No.
1268
00:59:49,337 --> 00:59:51,923
So how do you take your coffee?
1269
00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:55,968
See, Zeke found out the hard way that
sometimes, a nightcap means just that.
1270
00:59:56,177 --> 00:59:57,178
A nightcap.
1271
00:59:57,386 --> 00:59:58,679
Three shots of Jack.
1272
00:59:59,472 --> 01:00:00,973
You're so silly.
1273
01:00:08,689 --> 01:00:09,690
Yo!
1274
01:00:09,899 --> 01:00:11,442
Oh, Ced, what you run outta this time?
1275
01:00:11,651 --> 01:00:12,735
I ain't had no milk.
1276
01:00:12,985 --> 01:00:17,114
Hey, let me ask you a serious question.
You think I look like Idris Elba?
1277
01:00:17,323 --> 01:00:19,825
Because the stripper down at the new club
Sweaty Crack told me that last night...
1278
01:00:20,034 --> 01:00:21,327
...but I had a lot of ones in my hand...
1279
01:00:21,535 --> 01:00:22,745
...so I don't know if she was trying
to play me or not.
1280
01:00:22,954 --> 01:00:24,413
Don't even answer. Don't worry about it.
1281
01:00:24,622 --> 01:00:26,207
Because it made me feel good
when she said it.
1282
01:00:26,415 --> 01:00:29,335
All right, looks like somebody
got invited in. How'd it go?
1283
01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:30,544
We had coffee.
1284
01:00:30,711 --> 01:00:32,505
- And?
- Mint Milano Cookies.
1285
01:00:32,713 --> 01:00:33,839
And?
1286
01:00:34,006 --> 01:00:37,969
And we talked and we talked
about our childhoods and art and music...
1287
01:00:38,177 --> 01:00:41,389
...and Plato's Allegory of the Cave.
What is Plato's Allegory of the Cave?
1288
01:00:41,597 --> 01:00:42,723
It's actually very profound.
1289
01:00:42,932 --> 01:00:44,934
On par with
Bishop Don Magic Juan's book...
1290
01:00:45,101 --> 01:00:47,520
...of pimp knowledge and street wisdom,
which is a very good read.
1291
01:00:47,728 --> 01:00:50,356
Five dates and all I get is a cup of coffee.
What is wrong with her?
1292
01:00:50,564 --> 01:00:52,066
Ain't nothing wrong with her.
What's wrong with you?
1293
01:00:52,274 --> 01:00:55,194
Looks like the old Negro Gigolo
is losing his flow.
1294
01:00:55,486 --> 01:00:57,196
I'm in a relationship without sex...
1295
01:00:57,405 --> 01:00:59,699
...when all I'm really trying
to get is sex without a relationship.
1296
01:00:59,907 --> 01:01:01,075
So when you gonna see her again?
1297
01:01:01,283 --> 01:01:02,952
Saturday night, nigga.
Mind your business.
1298
01:01:04,036 --> 01:01:05,246
Nice job.
1299
01:01:05,454 --> 01:01:08,791
Hey, Zeke, when you go upstairs,
you gonna look in the toilet...
1300
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:11,585
...it's gonna appear to be stopped up,
I don't know for sure.
1301
01:01:11,836 --> 01:01:13,004
I just didn't know where
the plunger was...
1302
01:01:13,212 --> 01:01:15,131
...so don't be caught off guard
when you see it.
1303
01:01:15,339 --> 01:01:16,340
There's a lot.
1304
01:01:16,841 --> 01:01:18,592
- So we stayed up all night...
- Okay.
1305
01:01:18,801 --> 01:01:20,720
...and we talked about everything.
1306
01:01:20,928 --> 01:01:22,263
Did you keep the cookie
in the cookie jar?
1307
01:01:23,681 --> 01:01:25,474
- But of course.
- Nice.
1308
01:01:25,683 --> 01:01:27,309
I'm not gonna lie, though,
and say that it was easy.
1309
01:01:27,685 --> 01:01:30,479
I don't know, when he kissed me,
it was like sex.
1310
01:01:31,105 --> 01:01:34,150
So yeah, thank you
for your advice on the undies.
1311
01:01:34,358 --> 01:01:35,401
Which ones did you wear?
1312
01:01:35,609 --> 01:01:37,945
- The granny ones.
- The grandma drawers?
1313
01:01:38,195 --> 01:01:39,947
I told you the ugly panty trick would work.
1314
01:01:40,156 --> 01:01:41,741
- You wasn't trying to listen now.
- And it worked.
1315
01:01:41,949 --> 01:01:46,245
Now that it's not just a theory,
do you really think you can last 90 days?
1316
01:01:46,454 --> 01:01:47,663
Monique!
1317
01:01:47,955 --> 01:01:50,332
- It's Mya!
- Call me!
1318
01:01:50,875 --> 01:01:53,002
It's Mya, asshole!
1319
01:01:57,298 --> 01:02:00,718
Yeah. Yeah, I think
I can definitely do 74 more days.
1320
01:02:01,135 --> 01:02:02,386
Okay, Monique.
1321
01:02:03,554 --> 01:02:05,514
- I'm canceling the date.
- Why?
1322
01:02:05,723 --> 01:02:07,475
He's a part-time waiter.
1323
01:02:07,683 --> 01:02:11,145
May I remind you, Miss Thing,
that we were both waitresses...
1324
01:02:11,353 --> 01:02:13,647
...for two years at Olive Garden?
1325
01:02:13,856 --> 01:02:15,649
Candace, we were in college.
1326
01:02:15,858 --> 01:02:17,943
I'm talking about a grown-ass man...
1327
01:02:18,152 --> 01:02:21,739
...who admitted that he was valet-parking
the Benz he chased me down in.
1328
01:02:22,198 --> 01:02:23,282
It's kind of romantic.
1329
01:02:23,491 --> 01:02:25,034
It's kind of pathetic.
1330
01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:26,619
I thought you didn't care about
how much he made.
1331
01:02:26,827 --> 01:02:28,204
I thought you believed in his dreams.
1332
01:02:28,412 --> 01:02:30,831
- But not his pipe dreams. Come on!
- Okay, fine.
1333
01:02:31,082 --> 01:02:33,375
Dump the first guy
who puts you before anything else...
1334
01:02:33,584 --> 01:02:34,668
...because he doesn't make six figures.
1335
01:02:35,002 --> 01:02:37,296
Please, he doesn't even make four.
1336
01:02:37,505 --> 01:02:39,507
And I can't invest
that kind of time in something...
1337
01:02:39,715 --> 01:02:41,842
...that I know won't yield
tangible dividends.
1338
01:02:42,051 --> 01:02:43,177
Would you listen to yourself?
1339
01:02:43,385 --> 01:02:46,555
Dominic is a person, Lauren,
not a stock portfolio.
1340
01:02:46,764 --> 01:02:50,351
Like Steve Harvey says,
there's no such thing as the perfect man.
1341
01:02:50,559 --> 01:02:53,395
You have to compromise on something.
What do you have to lose?
1342
01:02:53,979 --> 01:02:55,231
My youth.
1343
01:02:55,439 --> 01:02:56,690
So wait. She just canceled on you?
1344
01:02:56,899 --> 01:02:59,026
She was about to.
Then she got interrupted by her boss.
1345
01:02:59,235 --> 01:03:01,070
- It's messed up.
- You know what?
1346
01:03:01,821 --> 01:03:05,366
Who needs her whole fancy presentation
and her board of directors?
1347
01:03:05,574 --> 01:03:08,994
I make an honest living
and I pay my taxes. Most of the time.
1348
01:03:09,286 --> 01:03:10,579
Let me tell you something, Dom.
I agree with you.
1349
01:03:10,788 --> 01:03:12,706
I'm an American too,
and I agree with your plight, brother.
1350
01:03:12,915 --> 01:03:13,916
I second that.
1351
01:03:14,125 --> 01:03:15,292
Yeah, we got your back.
1352
01:03:15,501 --> 01:03:17,086
- What's good with you, Mike?
- What up?
1353
01:03:17,294 --> 01:03:18,879
So how did it go between Candace
and your mom?
1354
01:03:19,088 --> 01:03:20,172
It was--
1355
01:03:20,381 --> 01:03:21,549
I'm slowing things down with Michael.
1356
01:03:21,757 --> 01:03:24,593
- Why?
- He already has a woman in his life.
1357
01:03:24,844 --> 01:03:26,470
Oh, that son of a bitch. Who is it?
1358
01:03:26,679 --> 01:03:28,973
- His mama.
- What?
1359
01:03:32,101 --> 01:03:33,936
My mom thinks she's nice.
1360
01:03:34,145 --> 01:03:37,398
Yeah, right. No woman has ever been
good enough for your mom.
1361
01:03:37,606 --> 01:03:40,442
You think the first one she gonna root for
is the baby mama?
1362
01:03:40,651 --> 01:03:42,403
- Good luck with that.
- Listen to this.
1363
01:03:42,611 --> 01:03:44,363
"Could we reschedule beach day?
1364
01:03:44,530 --> 01:03:47,158
I promised
to take my mom to choir practice."
1365
01:03:47,366 --> 01:03:50,119
I can't do that to myself again,
and I won't do that to Duke.
1366
01:03:50,327 --> 01:03:52,496
We both deserve a man who's all in.
1367
01:03:52,705 --> 01:03:54,123
Well, then set your standards.
1368
01:03:54,331 --> 01:03:57,293
Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm quoting
anything from that silly little book.
1369
01:03:57,501 --> 01:04:00,796
You tell Michael that you don't want
to come in between him and his mother...
1370
01:04:01,005 --> 01:04:03,174
...and that if he wants to continue
dating you...
1371
01:04:03,382 --> 01:04:05,426
...then you must be a priority in his life.
1372
01:04:05,634 --> 01:04:07,928
She's had him his whole life.
I can't compete with that.
1373
01:04:08,137 --> 01:04:10,264
Well, then dump the first man
you've met in three years...
1374
01:04:10,472 --> 01:04:13,434
...that genuinely cares about you
and Duke.
1375
01:04:13,642 --> 01:04:16,020
Wait a minute, there's no such thing
as a perfect man, right?
1376
01:04:16,228 --> 01:04:17,438
What do you have to lose?
1377
01:04:17,646 --> 01:04:19,523
Isn't that what you've been preaching
to me all night?
1378
01:04:19,815 --> 01:04:20,941
Okay.
1379
01:04:21,859 --> 01:04:23,110
I will if you will.
1380
01:04:24,111 --> 01:04:25,279
It was the darkest hour.
1381
01:04:25,779 --> 01:04:28,115
The guys were under a full-scale attack.
1382
01:04:28,324 --> 01:04:30,701
But everything changed on D-Day.
1383
01:04:32,119 --> 01:04:34,121
THE A$$ FACTORY
1384
01:04:40,961 --> 01:04:44,924
Okay, tell me something. How does it feel
to officially be a free man?
1385
01:04:45,132 --> 01:04:46,842
Great. Okay, listen...
1386
01:04:47,051 --> 01:04:48,427
- ...I can do whatever I want...
- Okay.
1387
01:04:48,636 --> 01:04:51,347
- ...whenever I want, with whoever I want.
- Okay.
1388
01:04:51,555 --> 01:04:52,765
I'm free from all the "tie-ranny"--
1389
01:04:52,973 --> 01:04:54,433
- It's "tyranny".
- Will you shut up, Bennett?
1390
01:04:54,642 --> 01:04:56,936
- Let him finish what he's saying!
- I just want you to have proper grammar.
1391
01:04:57,144 --> 01:04:59,396
All right! I'm free
from all the tyranny and oppression.
1392
01:04:59,605 --> 01:05:02,191
And nagging from all women for good.
You hear me?
1393
01:05:02,441 --> 01:05:05,152
Matter of fact,
only woman I want to talk to tonight...
1394
01:05:05,361 --> 01:05:06,737
...is dancing butt-naked down
at the Ass Factory.
1395
01:05:06,904 --> 01:05:08,113
What happened to the Sweaty Crack?
1396
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:10,324
- Got shut down. Health-code violations.
- Heard about that.
1397
01:05:11,575 --> 01:05:13,827
But here's the thing,
I like the Ass Factory better...
1398
01:05:14,036 --> 01:05:16,205
...because the girls down there are nasty.
But they're my kind of nasty.
1399
01:05:16,372 --> 01:05:17,414
Ced! Ced.
1400
01:05:17,581 --> 01:05:20,000
Don't judge me!
I'm going through a divorce, homey.
1401
01:05:20,209 --> 01:05:22,086
Hey, yo, Lauren confirmed
our date tomorrow.
1402
01:05:22,294 --> 01:05:23,545
I thought you and that Lauren was done.
1403
01:05:23,754 --> 01:05:25,089
Why you all in the man's business?
1404
01:05:25,297 --> 01:05:26,674
I thought my man said
he was done with Lauren.
1405
01:05:26,882 --> 01:05:28,175
You are whipped!
1406
01:05:28,384 --> 01:05:30,261
- He's worse than Mike.
- Chill with that "worse than Mike."
1407
01:05:30,469 --> 01:05:31,553
- You wanna hear a good story?
- No.
1408
01:05:31,762 --> 01:05:33,681
Ced, tell them about the night
you saved it with Gail.
1409
01:05:33,889 --> 01:05:36,684
I'll take this goddamn bottle and knock
your face off, you bring Gail up again.
1410
01:05:36,892 --> 01:05:41,021
I don't wanna talk about Gail!
All I want to talk about is titties and ass!
1411
01:05:41,230 --> 01:05:43,565
Yo, it's Candace. Should I take it?
1412
01:05:43,774 --> 01:05:46,193
No, man! Here, give me the phone.
Bros before hos.
1413
01:05:46,402 --> 01:05:47,736
Hello. Candace.
1414
01:05:47,903 --> 01:05:48,904
Hey, what's up, girl?
1415
01:05:49,113 --> 01:05:51,240
- Michael.
- I was just thinking about you.
1416
01:05:51,448 --> 01:05:53,534
No, hi, I thought I'd get your voicemail.
1417
01:05:53,742 --> 01:05:55,119
No, you got me, baby.
1418
01:05:55,327 --> 01:05:56,578
Listen, Michael.
1419
01:05:57,454 --> 01:05:58,706
We need to talk.
1420
01:05:58,914 --> 01:06:03,794
Ladies, few words are more menacing
than the dreaded four, "We need to talk".
1421
01:06:04,086 --> 01:06:07,881
Now, that means one of two things,
that we did something wrong...
1422
01:06:08,090 --> 01:06:12,303
...or you literally want to talk.
1423
01:06:13,095 --> 01:06:14,972
- She wants to talk.
- That's a new one.
1424
01:06:15,139 --> 01:06:16,140
That's bad, dude.
1425
01:06:16,390 --> 01:06:18,309
Good! I hope she talk
your damn head off.
1426
01:06:18,517 --> 01:06:20,311
Is it ever a good sign
when a woman wants to talk?
1427
01:06:20,519 --> 01:06:22,479
No. Not in my house anymore.
1428
01:06:22,688 --> 01:06:26,567
Kris used to be fun and chill, and now
she's just in my face all the time...
1429
01:06:26,775 --> 01:06:29,570
...nagging, harping, like,
"What are your short-term goals?
1430
01:06:29,778 --> 01:06:33,073
"What are your long-term goals? Jeremy,
what's your view on relationships?"
1431
01:06:33,282 --> 01:06:34,742
Like, I'm in the middle of a game
of Call of Duty--
1432
01:06:34,950 --> 01:06:36,952
Whoa, whoa, whoa, run that back.
What did you just say?
1433
01:06:37,161 --> 01:06:38,287
What, the long-term goals, short--
1434
01:06:38,495 --> 01:06:40,539
- Please, don't make me repeat--
- Yes, that's crazy. You know what?
1435
01:06:40,748 --> 01:06:43,417
Candace asked me those
exact same questions on our first date.
1436
01:06:43,625 --> 01:06:44,918
Mya asked me the same thing.
1437
01:06:45,127 --> 01:06:46,128
So did Lauren.
1438
01:06:46,337 --> 01:06:48,505
You know what?
You know who asked me that question?
1439
01:06:49,173 --> 01:06:52,468
Not a goddamn soul!
Because strippers don't ask me shit!
1440
01:06:52,676 --> 01:06:54,136
Listen to what she said
to me the other day.
1441
01:06:54,303 --> 01:06:55,596
She said, "I'm not your sports fish."
1442
01:06:55,804 --> 01:06:56,805
What is a sports fish?
1443
01:06:57,014 --> 01:06:59,183
A trophy girl.
You show her off to your buddies.
1444
01:06:59,391 --> 01:07:01,101
What the hell are you talking about,
Bennett?
1445
01:07:01,310 --> 01:07:02,311
I was watching Oprah.
1446
01:07:02,478 --> 01:07:03,896
- Why are you watching Oprah?
- I like Oprah.
1447
01:07:04,104 --> 01:07:06,565
Man, you gotta say "no homo" when
you say shit like that at a divorce party.
1448
01:07:06,774 --> 01:07:08,192
She had Steve Harvey on the show.
1449
01:07:08,359 --> 01:07:10,819
He wrote some book.
It's for women, but it's about men.
1450
01:07:11,028 --> 01:07:13,322
- Family Feud Steve Harvey?
- I heard something about that.
1451
01:07:13,489 --> 01:07:15,783
He threw us under the bus like that?
That's uncouth. I wouldn't do that.
1452
01:07:15,991 --> 01:07:17,242
I thought Steve Harvey
was kind of my nigga, but--
1453
01:07:17,451 --> 01:07:18,535
- Me too.
- What?
1454
01:07:18,744 --> 01:07:20,287
- You too, what?
- I didn't say anything.
1455
01:07:20,496 --> 01:07:24,333
- Tell me exactly what he says in the book.
- A whole bunch of shit.
1456
01:07:24,541 --> 01:07:27,795
All right, this is why we're ruining
my party. Because of that information.
1457
01:07:28,003 --> 01:07:30,631
I got it online, here we go. I got a review--
1458
01:07:30,839 --> 01:07:32,007
I got to get my hands on that book.
1459
01:07:32,216 --> 01:07:33,509
No, you're not gonna do it now.
1460
01:07:33,717 --> 01:07:35,803
- You said bros before hos.
- One second.
1461
01:07:36,011 --> 01:07:37,721
Exactly! Guess what?
Your bro need a ho!
1462
01:07:37,930 --> 01:07:39,390
Let me tell you something,
I got a pocket full of ones...
1463
01:07:39,598 --> 01:07:40,808
...and I ain't got no goddamn drawers on.
1464
01:07:40,974 --> 01:07:41,975
I didn't wear no drawers tonight.
1465
01:07:42,226 --> 01:07:44,478
Now y'all supposed to be my wing men.
Right now, fly with me!
1466
01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:48,857
Celebrate, men! Get your--
Fly with me, men! Goddamn it!
1467
01:07:49,191 --> 01:07:50,192
This ain't good.
1468
01:07:50,359 --> 01:07:51,944
Yes, hello,
we're looking for a book called--
1469
01:07:52,194 --> 01:07:53,821
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
1470
01:07:54,029 --> 01:07:57,449
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
Everywhere? Thanks.
1471
01:07:58,117 --> 01:08:00,035
Said they've been sold out for,
like, a week.
1472
01:08:00,244 --> 01:08:01,412
- Good.
- Can't be sold out everywhere.
1473
01:08:01,620 --> 01:08:03,622
- They don't even have it on eBay.
- It's the power of Oprah.
1474
01:08:03,831 --> 01:08:06,458
I think I got something.
Okay, cool. Where's San Pablo?
1475
01:08:06,708 --> 01:08:07,751
Border of Oregon.
1476
01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:09,044
That's not gonna work.
1477
01:08:09,253 --> 01:08:11,004
- Looks like we tried.
- Hello. Right now?
1478
01:08:11,213 --> 01:08:12,381
Tomorrow is another day.
We can tackle it then.
1479
01:08:12,589 --> 01:08:14,466
- Let's go, men. Strip club time!
- Y'all take me to my mama house?
1480
01:08:14,675 --> 01:08:15,676
Driver, can we go to my house?
1481
01:08:15,843 --> 01:08:17,511
I thought you said you was gonna
cancel that with your mama.
1482
01:08:17,719 --> 01:08:19,221
Have you ever tried
canceling on my mom, Ced?
1483
01:08:19,430 --> 01:08:22,099
I'm gonna say this since don't
nobody else wanna say it, Michael.
1484
01:08:22,933 --> 01:08:24,935
You ever try heterosexuality?
1485
01:08:31,650 --> 01:08:32,776
Mom!
1486
01:08:35,696 --> 01:08:36,822
Got your favorite.
1487
01:08:37,030 --> 01:08:38,615
- Smelling good too.
- Look at that, huh?
1488
01:08:38,824 --> 01:08:41,243
Let me get some chicken.
Let me get some chicken!
1489
01:08:41,452 --> 01:08:44,621
Stop. And the onions, you know I love
the sautéed onions, and the cornbread.
1490
01:08:44,830 --> 01:08:47,583
I know. I'm gonna get you a plate,
but clear all this off, first.
1491
01:08:47,791 --> 01:08:50,961
All right, all right.
And make sure that sweet potato pie--
1492
01:08:52,254 --> 01:08:54,047
I will, little boy, you just clear the counter.
1493
01:08:54,381 --> 01:08:55,841
Mom, what is this?
1494
01:08:56,341 --> 01:09:00,304
That's that book by that big-head boy
that's on that Family Feud thing.
1495
01:09:00,512 --> 01:09:02,139
Act Like Something,
Think Like Something Else.
1496
01:09:02,347 --> 01:09:03,348
It's the new read for my book club.
1497
01:09:03,515 --> 01:09:05,225
Every war has its turning point.
1498
01:09:05,601 --> 01:09:08,729
In the Civil War,
it was the Battle of Gettysburg.
1499
01:09:10,272 --> 01:09:13,192
World War II,
it was the Invasion of Normandy.
1500
01:09:14,693 --> 01:09:17,863
The definitive turning point in this war
was that night at Loretta's house.
1501
01:09:18,071 --> 01:09:19,239
It was like finding the Holy Grail.
1502
01:09:19,448 --> 01:09:22,242
Jeremy. Tell them to turn the bus around.
1503
01:09:22,451 --> 01:09:25,412
The power had just shifted in our favor.
But we didn't know that yet.
1504
01:09:25,621 --> 01:09:27,331
"Why Men Do What They Do."
Look at this, guys.
1505
01:09:27,539 --> 01:09:28,999
Steve Harvey is a traitor.
1506
01:09:29,208 --> 01:09:31,752
Look, "Mama's Boys."
Chapter 7. That's you.
1507
01:09:31,960 --> 01:09:32,961
I'm not a Mama's Boy.
1508
01:09:33,170 --> 01:09:34,338
Jer, you don't think
I'm a Mama's Boy, do you?
1509
01:09:34,546 --> 01:09:35,839
- Nah.
- Listen to this.
1510
01:09:36,048 --> 01:09:38,967
"Men respect standards, get some."
I prefer my women not to have standards.
1511
01:09:39,176 --> 01:09:41,929
In fact, if I've got to choose, I'm gonna
choose the woman who has no standards.
1512
01:09:42,137 --> 01:09:44,723
Hold up. "Until a man achieves his goals,
or is on the road to...
1513
01:09:44,932 --> 01:09:46,934
...you will never be
number one in his life."
1514
01:09:47,142 --> 01:09:48,435
See, that's not even true.
1515
01:09:48,644 --> 01:09:51,605
I've achieved absolutely nothing
and I still put my women first.
1516
01:09:51,813 --> 01:09:53,524
- This is sick.
- It's brainwashing, I'm telling you.
1517
01:09:53,732 --> 01:09:55,651
She's trying to push me
towards my dreams...
1518
01:09:55,817 --> 01:09:57,277
...and help me accomplish my goals.
1519
01:09:57,486 --> 01:09:58,612
Why would she do this?
1520
01:09:58,820 --> 01:10:00,113
Shit, at least you're getting some.
1521
01:10:00,489 --> 01:10:03,075
Ninety days, that's not a probation,
that's a death sentence.
1522
01:10:03,283 --> 01:10:04,451
Hell, yeah, I want to taste your yams.
1523
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:07,996
- Hey, Mike, how old is your mom?
- What?
1524
01:10:08,330 --> 01:10:11,625
No, not like that. No, it is. It is like that.
How old is she?
1525
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:14,127
I come in the house, she's like,
"You want to eat?" I said, "Eat what?"
1526
01:10:14,336 --> 01:10:16,755
Yo, first of all, put my plate down
and stop hitting on my mom, man.
1527
01:10:16,964 --> 01:10:18,423
Don't get mad at me!
I don't even wanna be here.
1528
01:10:18,632 --> 01:10:20,634
Y'all the ones that wanna be here,
I want to go to the strip club!
1529
01:10:20,884 --> 01:10:24,179
Man, wrap this up. I got a bunch of ones,
and somebody gonna get them.
1530
01:10:24,388 --> 01:10:27,849
Ms. Loretta!
I'm ready for the rest of the tour.
1531
01:10:30,435 --> 01:10:34,189
You guys are so screwed. And honestly,
there's nothing you can do about it.
1532
01:10:34,398 --> 01:10:35,399
Maybe we can.
1533
01:10:35,607 --> 01:10:38,610
They got our playbook, man.
They know all of our maneuvers.
1534
01:10:38,819 --> 01:10:42,698
Yeah, but they don't know that we know
that they know our maneuvers.
1535
01:10:42,906 --> 01:10:44,408
You see why I don't hang out
with Jeremy by himself?
1536
01:10:44,616 --> 01:10:45,867
I don't ever know what he's talking about.
1537
01:10:46,076 --> 01:10:50,122
Guys! It's like the Patriots,
when Bill Belichick stole the Jets' plays.
1538
01:10:50,330 --> 01:10:52,291
- Right, and they got busted.
- Yeah, but they won the game.
1539
01:10:52,499 --> 01:10:55,294
And where'd they end up?
The Super Bowl.
1540
01:10:55,502 --> 01:10:56,878
I wish I knew what you was talking about.
1541
01:10:57,087 --> 01:10:59,047
We use Steve Harvey's words
against them.
1542
01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:02,134
We pretend to give them what they want
so we get what we want.
1543
01:11:02,718 --> 01:11:03,760
We lie to them.
1544
01:11:04,136 --> 01:11:08,098
Exactly. This is war, gentlemen.
There are no rules.
1545
01:11:08,307 --> 01:11:10,934
Like the great Khan once said,
not Genghis...
1546
01:11:11,143 --> 01:11:13,270
...I'm talking about the Latin guy
from Star Trek II:
1547
01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:15,772
"Revenge is a dish best served cold."
1548
01:11:15,981 --> 01:11:18,442
Michael, I need to get something
off my chest.
1549
01:11:18,650 --> 01:11:20,736
You know what? Before
you get something off your chest...
1550
01:11:20,944 --> 01:11:22,613
...I gotta get something off my chest.
1551
01:11:22,821 --> 01:11:24,740
You know I can be a bit
of a Mama's Boy?
1552
01:11:25,449 --> 01:11:27,784
I think it really all started
when my dad died.
1553
01:11:29,494 --> 01:11:31,496
It was a rough time for us, you know?
1554
01:11:31,705 --> 01:11:36,668
And my mom just started relying on me
for so many things. Too many things.
1555
01:11:37,544 --> 01:11:41,006
You know, I had to be the man
of the house at a really young age...
1556
01:11:41,214 --> 01:11:42,633
...and I guess maybe
that's why we're so close.
1557
01:11:42,841 --> 01:11:43,842
Michael.
1558
01:11:44,176 --> 01:11:46,219
And I guess,
I guess what I'm trying to say is this.
1559
01:11:47,846 --> 01:11:50,641
I want you to be the number-one
woman in my life.
1560
01:11:50,849 --> 01:11:53,310
It was like taking a test
you already had the answers to.
1561
01:11:53,769 --> 01:11:56,688
You're my priority, Candace. All right?
1562
01:11:56,938 --> 01:11:58,023
Yeah.
1563
01:11:58,231 --> 01:12:00,901
All right. Now, you said you wanted
to talk about something.
1564
01:12:02,903 --> 01:12:03,904
Did I?
1565
01:12:04,196 --> 01:12:08,075
The women had no chance.
They were like putty in our hands.
1566
01:12:08,283 --> 01:12:12,913
So I just updated my résumé,
and sent it off to Neversoft.
1567
01:12:13,872 --> 01:12:14,873
Really?
1568
01:12:15,040 --> 01:12:16,041
You're serious?
1569
01:12:16,249 --> 01:12:19,503
I was intrigued by a job posting
I saw in Adweek and I thought:
1570
01:12:19,711 --> 01:12:22,339
"Why not go for it, Jeremy?
You have nothing else to lose."
1571
01:12:22,547 --> 01:12:25,884
Baby, that's awesome, that's wonderful.
I'm so proud of you.
1572
01:12:26,093 --> 01:12:27,678
- Oh, my God.
- Don't get too excited, okay?
1573
01:12:27,886 --> 01:12:30,681
It's just a feeler.
Probably won't even call me in.
1574
01:12:30,889 --> 01:12:32,224
No, you're selling yourself short.
1575
01:12:32,432 --> 01:12:35,852
Jeremy, you were the best in your class
at Parsons, you're a brilliant designer.
1576
01:12:36,061 --> 01:12:38,814
No. You're a brilliant artist.
They'd be lucky to have you.
1577
01:12:39,398 --> 01:12:40,691
I'm lucky to have you.
1578
01:12:42,234 --> 01:12:43,568
You are?
1579
01:12:45,487 --> 01:12:46,571
You know what I was just thinking?
1580
01:12:46,738 --> 01:12:47,739
What?
1581
01:12:47,906 --> 01:12:51,076
- Nobody's had sex on this couch yet.
- What?
1582
01:12:51,451 --> 01:12:53,870
- No, it's a virgin couch.
- Really?
1583
01:12:54,079 --> 01:12:55,288
What do you think we should do
about that?
1584
01:12:55,497 --> 01:12:57,040
There's about 10 things
I think we can do about that.
1585
01:12:57,249 --> 01:12:58,250
Only 10?
1586
01:12:58,583 --> 01:13:00,544
You'll be crying out
like a bitch after three.
1587
01:13:00,752 --> 01:13:02,087
Now I'm scared.
1588
01:13:02,295 --> 01:13:03,422
I love this couch.
1589
01:13:03,630 --> 01:13:06,758
After careful study, Dominic realized
there was only one man...
1590
01:13:06,967 --> 01:13:08,218
...who could impress the Alpha Female.
1591
01:13:08,427 --> 01:13:10,095
"The Guy With Potential." Zeke.
1592
01:13:10,303 --> 01:13:12,305
- What?
- I have to show her I'm a man with a plan.
1593
01:13:12,514 --> 01:13:14,141
- Well, just make some shit up, dude.
- No.
1594
01:13:14,349 --> 01:13:15,767
- Remember that restaurant idea I had?
- Yeah.
1595
01:13:15,976 --> 01:13:17,728
I need you to help me
with a business plan.
1596
01:13:17,936 --> 01:13:19,563
Cook for her. Dummy.
1597
01:13:19,771 --> 01:13:21,898
I already did. Breakfast.
1598
01:13:22,107 --> 01:13:25,527
I ain't talking about no breakfast, boy!
Something fancy, Dom.
1599
01:13:25,944 --> 01:13:29,322
Like, like one of them dishes
with an apostrophe in it.
1600
01:13:29,531 --> 01:13:30,615
Is that your robe?
1601
01:13:31,450 --> 01:13:32,492
Yeah.
1602
01:13:32,659 --> 01:13:33,660
Man, you here again?
1603
01:13:33,827 --> 01:13:37,414
Yes! Ass Factory don't open up
till 10:00, so I got time to waste.
1604
01:13:37,622 --> 01:13:39,958
- Bitch, move in already.
- What'd you say?
1605
01:13:40,917 --> 01:13:43,420
I'm sorry if I want to be around my friends
when I'm going through a divorce.
1606
01:13:43,628 --> 01:13:44,671
What was I thinking?
1607
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:46,131
You're something else, boy.
1608
01:13:46,339 --> 01:13:49,259
Look, Gail used to love it when
I would cook for her. It turned her on.
1609
01:13:49,468 --> 01:13:51,094
You can do all types of things
in the kitchen.
1610
01:13:51,303 --> 01:13:52,804
We had a little food thing
that we would do.
1611
01:13:53,013 --> 01:13:55,223
I would go and get some
chocolate-covered strawberries, right?
1612
01:13:55,432 --> 01:13:58,477
Then I would come downstairs,
I have a G-string on.
1613
01:13:59,019 --> 01:14:00,937
You know what I'm talking about.
She used to love it.
1614
01:14:01,146 --> 01:14:04,191
So the game was "Balance the Berry."
1615
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:06,735
I would put it on the--
1616
01:14:07,944 --> 01:14:09,738
But the way it's--
1617
01:14:10,238 --> 01:14:13,366
The berry ain't gonna stay there for long.
The berry wouldn't stay on, so--
1618
01:14:15,368 --> 01:14:18,163
The point that I'm making is this, Dom.
1619
01:14:18,371 --> 01:14:21,041
Food is your art.
Stick with what you know.
1620
01:14:23,835 --> 01:14:25,712
It's good milk, Zeke.
1621
01:14:27,088 --> 01:14:28,673
He's right.
1622
01:14:29,841 --> 01:14:30,842
It's on.
1623
01:14:31,009 --> 01:14:32,344
- It's over.
- Wait, what happened?
1624
01:14:32,552 --> 01:14:34,554
Dominic's car broke down.
1625
01:14:34,763 --> 01:14:36,264
I have to go pick him up?
1626
01:14:36,515 --> 01:14:37,641
So? Calm down.
Do you know how many times...
1627
01:14:37,849 --> 01:14:39,643
...I had to pick you up
when your Jag broke down?
1628
01:14:39,851 --> 01:14:41,102
Save it, Candace.
1629
01:14:41,311 --> 01:14:42,562
The man is a loser.
1630
01:14:42,771 --> 01:14:45,524
And I'm the fool who slept with him.
On the first night.
1631
01:14:45,732 --> 01:14:49,402
Which is a memory he will have
to cherish for the rest of his life...
1632
01:14:49,611 --> 01:14:53,448
...because it is never happening again.
Never.
1633
01:14:57,452 --> 01:14:58,495
Hey, beautiful.
1634
01:15:00,163 --> 01:15:01,248
Dominic.
1635
01:15:04,626 --> 01:15:06,002
You look beautiful.
1636
01:15:06,211 --> 01:15:08,046
Yeah, you've mentioned that.
1637
01:15:09,589 --> 01:15:12,551
- Would you like a glass of wine?
- Actually, I came over here--
1638
01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:15,011
It's a Chateau Montelena, 2006.
1639
01:15:18,181 --> 01:15:22,477
That won first place in
the Judgment of Paris back in '76.
1640
01:15:22,686 --> 01:15:25,397
Actually, it was a '73 Chardonnay
that won...
1641
01:15:25,605 --> 01:15:27,899
...but I've heard this one is better.
1642
01:15:28,567 --> 01:15:29,609
It was a gift.
1643
01:15:30,485 --> 01:15:33,572
But I wanted to save it
for a special occasion.
1644
01:15:34,823 --> 01:15:36,241
Well, thank you.
1645
01:15:39,452 --> 01:15:40,495
So...
1646
01:15:42,455 --> 01:15:44,165
...to tonight.
1647
01:15:44,749 --> 01:15:45,792
Yeah.
1648
01:15:50,005 --> 01:15:51,298
Oh, my God.
1649
01:15:51,506 --> 01:15:52,924
This is good.
1650
01:15:53,884 --> 01:15:55,677
Yeah, there's more.
1651
01:16:10,942 --> 01:16:12,819
You did all this for me?
1652
01:16:27,334 --> 01:16:28,335
Good evening, madam.
1653
01:16:29,544 --> 01:16:30,629
Wild--
1654
01:16:31,171 --> 01:16:32,255
- Goddamn.
- Man--
1655
01:16:32,464 --> 01:16:34,299
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1656
01:16:35,050 --> 01:16:37,010
Wild Mushroom en "Croût"?
1657
01:16:38,303 --> 01:16:39,346
"Croûte."
1658
01:16:39,679 --> 01:16:40,680
Croûte?
1659
01:16:42,057 --> 01:16:43,058
Thank you.
1660
01:16:43,266 --> 01:16:45,393
- Enjoy your dinner.
- Thanks.
1661
01:16:51,024 --> 01:16:55,695
I really wanted to change your
association of me with hors d'oeuvres.
1662
01:16:56,905 --> 01:16:58,198
So, what do you think?
1663
01:16:59,324 --> 01:17:00,367
Amazing.
1664
01:17:02,535 --> 01:17:03,870
So are you.
1665
01:17:04,913 --> 01:17:06,122
Thank you.
1666
01:17:09,042 --> 01:17:11,002
And look at the stars.
1667
01:17:11,711 --> 01:17:13,088
Make a wish.
1668
01:17:17,092 --> 01:17:18,134
Okay.
1669
01:17:23,848 --> 01:17:25,433
Aren't you gonna make one?
1670
01:17:29,437 --> 01:17:30,730
No need.
1671
01:17:45,996 --> 01:17:49,249
And on that same night, Zeke was on
an entirely different kind of mission.
1672
01:17:49,457 --> 01:17:51,126
Dude, don't tell me what I said.
I know what I said.
1673
01:17:51,334 --> 01:17:53,211
- But I'm telling you, I'm done with her.
- What?
1674
01:17:53,420 --> 01:17:55,130
I'm not competing with this 90-Day Rule.
1675
01:17:55,338 --> 01:17:58,508
- You have the ammo.
- Babe, I'm going upstairs.
1676
01:18:01,511 --> 01:18:02,554
All right, listen.
1677
01:18:02,762 --> 01:18:07,475
Use "how men show their love"
against her to get the cookie.
1678
01:18:07,684 --> 01:18:09,227
You profess. Call her your girlfriend.
1679
01:18:09,436 --> 01:18:11,104
Bro, stop it. Do you have any idea
what I've been through?
1680
01:18:11,312 --> 01:18:13,815
I'm sick of picking up checks
and opening doors...
1681
01:18:14,149 --> 01:18:16,067
...and talking about our feelings
and our childhoods.
1682
01:18:16,276 --> 01:18:17,986
It's like the 1950s, man! I just want to hit.
1683
01:18:18,194 --> 01:18:20,822
And if she thinks I'm gonna wait
71 more days just to get the cookie...
1684
01:18:21,031 --> 01:18:22,949
- ...she gonna be waiting by herself.
- You kept count?
1685
01:18:23,158 --> 01:18:25,702
I'm not counting, but you're gonna know
the amount of day--
1686
01:18:25,910 --> 01:18:27,037
You really like her.
1687
01:18:27,245 --> 01:18:29,205
No, bro, trust me on this.
I am done, okay?
1688
01:18:29,414 --> 01:18:30,540
I'm ending it tonight.
1689
01:18:30,749 --> 01:18:32,167
Yeah, have fun on your date.
1690
01:18:32,375 --> 01:18:34,210
I bet you I dump her 90-day ass.
1691
01:18:35,628 --> 01:18:36,671
Hey.
1692
01:18:37,714 --> 01:18:38,882
Listen.
1693
01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:40,467
Mya, about tonight--
1694
01:18:40,675 --> 01:18:41,718
Okay, I have a surprise.
1695
01:18:42,177 --> 01:18:43,178
You do?
1696
01:18:43,386 --> 01:18:46,389
Yeah, I got us tickets to see
John Legend at Nokia Theatre.
1697
01:18:48,433 --> 01:18:50,810
Okay, that's cool.
1698
01:18:51,102 --> 01:18:52,145
Yeah.
1699
01:18:52,729 --> 01:18:54,814
- Okay.
- Okay. So let's go.
1700
01:19:01,821 --> 01:19:04,741
So I hope you don't get mad at me...
1701
01:19:04,949 --> 01:19:08,286
...but my uncle is a music producer
and I passed him your CD.
1702
01:19:08,453 --> 01:19:09,496
You took my CD?
1703
01:19:09,746 --> 01:19:12,749
Yes. And the three pieces of gum
that were stuck to it.
1704
01:19:12,957 --> 01:19:15,168
Okay, you know what?
I was looking for that gum.
1705
01:19:15,376 --> 01:19:19,172
You know I'm done with
the music industry, right? I love what I do.
1706
01:19:19,380 --> 01:19:21,674
Okay, Zeke, he's not trying
to sign you, though.
1707
01:19:21,883 --> 01:19:24,302
He wants some new songs
for some albums that he's working on.
1708
01:19:24,511 --> 01:19:27,180
Yeah, well,
my album went Plat-none, okay?
1709
01:19:27,388 --> 01:19:29,349
I mean, two people heard it
and both of them were relatives.
1710
01:19:29,557 --> 01:19:33,311
Okay, but I was raving about it,
and he decided to check it out.
1711
01:19:34,646 --> 01:19:35,980
You should've been my manager.
1712
01:19:38,441 --> 01:19:39,442
Zeke!
1713
01:19:39,609 --> 01:19:42,529
Super Freak Zeke! What up, baby?
1714
01:19:42,821 --> 01:19:44,739
- Man, hey, what's up-- Xavier!
- What up, baby.
1715
01:19:44,948 --> 01:19:48,201
Oh, my goodness. Baby, this is Zeke.
This is the guy that taught me the move.
1716
01:19:48,409 --> 01:19:49,911
The Chimichanga!
He was the one who taught me.
1717
01:19:50,120 --> 01:19:51,454
Hey, this is my lady, Crystal.
1718
01:19:51,663 --> 01:19:53,748
Hey, what's going on, Crystal?
How you doing?
1719
01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:57,919
Oh, my bad. Xavier, this is--
1720
01:19:59,337 --> 01:20:02,549
Now, ladies, if a man
simply introduces you as his friend...
1721
01:20:02,757 --> 01:20:05,468
...then please understand,
you are nothing more than his friend.
1722
01:20:05,677 --> 01:20:09,264
See, if a man has a plan for you
in his future, then he's gonna profess it.
1723
01:20:09,472 --> 01:20:11,141
He's gonna attach a title to it.
1724
01:20:11,349 --> 01:20:16,229
You're gonna be his woman,
his lady, his fiancée, or--
1725
01:20:17,897 --> 01:20:19,566
- -my girlfriend, Mya.
1726
01:20:21,818 --> 01:20:24,154
Zeke realized the man could get
a hell of a lot further...
1727
01:20:24,362 --> 01:20:28,491
...with one well-placed profession
than with six carefully planned dates.
1728
01:20:36,875 --> 01:20:38,001
Oh, my God.
1729
01:20:39,335 --> 01:20:40,378
I think we should stop.
1730
01:20:42,005 --> 01:20:43,756
I have to get up early.
1731
01:20:44,090 --> 01:20:46,384
So I better go.
1732
01:20:47,302 --> 01:20:48,553
Okay.
1733
01:20:48,845 --> 01:20:50,013
Good night!
1734
01:20:51,723 --> 01:20:53,057
Well, I could walk you to--
1735
01:20:53,266 --> 01:20:55,685
No, I got this. I'm good, good night!
1736
01:20:56,269 --> 01:20:59,522
The guys may have lost some battles,
but they were winning the war.
1737
01:20:59,731 --> 01:21:01,482
I'm telling you, Gina. It worked.
1738
01:21:01,691 --> 01:21:04,152
He's finally stepping up
and looking for a better job.
1739
01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:06,446
Family Feud
knows what he's talking about?
1740
01:21:06,613 --> 01:21:07,614
Changing the game.
1741
01:21:07,780 --> 01:21:09,741
How does this affect the 90-Day Rule?
1742
01:21:10,033 --> 01:21:12,160
The 90-Day Rule
is what got me to this point.
1743
01:21:12,368 --> 01:21:15,246
It's just, I was saying that
I'm not opposed to amending it...
1744
01:21:15,455 --> 01:21:16,706
...you know, for good behavior.
1745
01:21:16,915 --> 01:21:19,042
Like changing his Facebook status?
1746
01:21:19,250 --> 01:21:21,169
Yeah, see, that's good behavior...
1747
01:21:21,377 --> 01:21:22,837
...but the cookies don't come
out of the cookie jar...
1748
01:21:23,046 --> 01:21:24,797
...for anything less
than the three magic words.
1749
01:21:25,006 --> 01:21:27,717
I hope you guys are ready
for some fun in the sun.
1750
01:21:27,926 --> 01:21:29,219
Oh, yeah, some fun in the sun.
1751
01:21:30,511 --> 01:21:32,889
Oh, wait. Baby, should you get that?
It's work.
1752
01:21:33,473 --> 01:21:34,557
Yeah, it's okay.
1753
01:21:34,766 --> 01:21:37,852
No! Why would I answer work calls
when I'm with y'all two?
1754
01:21:38,061 --> 01:21:40,021
- Don't worry about work.
- Yeah, no work.
1755
01:21:40,480 --> 01:21:42,774
- You okay back there, Duke?
- Yeah.
1756
01:21:42,982 --> 01:21:46,069
All right, now you got your license too?
Because you're driving back, right?
1757
01:21:50,865 --> 01:21:52,242
I'm just joking.
1758
01:21:52,909 --> 01:21:54,494
Such a romantic.
1759
01:21:54,702 --> 01:21:56,287
Things were almost going too well.
1760
01:21:56,496 --> 01:21:59,415
The guys had forgotten
that they were even at war.
1761
01:22:03,294 --> 01:22:05,797
All right, thanks a lot, everybody.
Once again, I'm Danny Vola.
1762
01:22:06,005 --> 01:22:08,216
Go up there and sing.
Come on, you should go--
1763
01:22:08,424 --> 01:22:10,009
No. I ain't sang in years, you sit down.
1764
01:22:10,218 --> 01:22:12,762
Wait, slow down! Okay, Duke!
1765
01:22:12,971 --> 01:22:15,640
- All right, you got this.
- Be careful!
1766
01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:18,434
I'm about to get you a motorcycle now,
the way you're going, baby.
1767
01:22:23,022 --> 01:22:24,607
Oh, you want some?
1768
01:22:43,167 --> 01:22:47,463
Sorry that took so long, babe. One of
the guys needed a little of my advice.
1769
01:22:48,381 --> 01:22:49,716
Where were we?
1770
01:22:50,008 --> 01:22:51,259
Right here.
1771
01:22:51,634 --> 01:22:53,970
But then things started to backfire.
1772
01:22:54,178 --> 01:22:56,723
What ever happened
with that job at Neversoft?
1773
01:22:58,766 --> 01:23:03,396
I forgot to tell you, I heard through
the grapevine they filled the position.
1774
01:23:05,106 --> 01:23:06,190
Really?
1775
01:23:06,858 --> 01:23:08,026
Yeah.
1776
01:23:10,528 --> 01:23:11,738
That's weird...
1777
01:23:13,114 --> 01:23:17,160
...because I heard
from Sarah's little brother...
1778
01:23:17,493 --> 01:23:19,620
- Yeah?
- ...on LinkedIn.
1779
01:23:19,829 --> 01:23:22,749
And he said that the position
was still open.
1780
01:23:24,083 --> 01:23:26,085
- Really?
- Yeah.
1781
01:23:26,294 --> 01:23:28,880
And that he was gonna personally
recommend you to his boss.
1782
01:23:29,088 --> 01:23:32,091
Except your résumé's not on file.
1783
01:23:32,884 --> 01:23:33,926
What?
1784
01:23:35,803 --> 01:23:37,555
I've been waiting this whole time.
1785
01:23:37,764 --> 01:23:41,434
You know what?
I had to reset the modem the other day.
1786
01:23:41,642 --> 01:23:43,728
I bet you the e-mail didn't go through.
1787
01:23:43,936 --> 01:23:47,106
Yeah, I'll fix it in the morning.
1788
01:23:49,484 --> 01:23:50,735
The Internet?
1789
01:23:52,195 --> 01:23:55,281
Yeah, it happens all the time.
1790
01:23:58,659 --> 01:23:59,660
Kris?
1791
01:24:01,037 --> 01:24:03,081
The truth was catching up to them.
1792
01:24:07,251 --> 01:24:08,669
I'll miss you.
1793
01:24:10,046 --> 01:24:11,506
That's me, all right. I'll see you.
1794
01:24:11,714 --> 01:24:12,715
Okay.
1795
01:24:59,929 --> 01:25:00,972
James?
1796
01:25:01,180 --> 01:25:03,099
- James Merrill?
- Lauren Harris.
1797
01:25:04,559 --> 01:25:05,977
Wow, look at you.
1798
01:25:06,352 --> 01:25:07,562
Look at you.
1799
01:25:09,730 --> 01:25:12,984
You are like a fine wine.
You just get better with age, don't you?
1800
01:25:13,192 --> 01:25:16,154
And you get smoother.
What are you doing in L.A.?
1801
01:25:16,362 --> 01:25:20,366
I'm checking out a sublet. Yeah,
I was just promoted CEO of Sensala.
1802
01:25:20,783 --> 01:25:23,411
- Wow.
- Yeah, yeah. I'm relocating to L.A.
1803
01:25:23,578 --> 01:25:24,579
- You're kidding.
- No.
1804
01:25:24,787 --> 01:25:27,832
Well, I can't imagine Nina
ever wanting to leave Chicago.
1805
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:29,750
Yeah, well, that's because she's not.
1806
01:25:30,835 --> 01:25:32,378
We're finalizing our divorce.
1807
01:25:32,920 --> 01:25:34,839
- Really?
- Yeah.
1808
01:25:35,047 --> 01:25:37,842
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's all right.
1809
01:25:38,050 --> 01:25:39,594
- We're friendly.
- That's good.
1810
01:25:39,802 --> 01:25:42,221
But what about you?
I mean, are you engaged? Married?
1811
01:25:42,889 --> 01:25:45,850
No. Not married or engaged.
1812
01:25:46,058 --> 01:25:47,351
Really?
1813
01:25:47,560 --> 01:25:49,228
Just dating, but nothing serious.
1814
01:25:49,896 --> 01:25:51,105
Well then, why don't we go to dinner?
1815
01:25:52,064 --> 01:25:53,191
Sure.
1816
01:25:53,399 --> 01:25:55,276
Let's do it. I mean, let's do dinner.
1817
01:25:57,236 --> 01:25:58,779
Well, you have to call me.
1818
01:25:58,988 --> 01:26:00,364
- Got the same number?
- Same number.
1819
01:26:00,573 --> 01:26:01,782
- All right.
- Use it.
1820
01:26:01,991 --> 01:26:03,910
- Tomorrow night.
- Absolutely.
1821
01:26:04,994 --> 01:26:06,662
- Like the car.
- Me too.
1822
01:26:06,871 --> 01:26:08,539
Love the body.
1823
01:26:08,706 --> 01:26:09,916
On the car.
1824
01:26:13,252 --> 01:26:14,587
- I hate to trouble you--
- Go away!
1825
01:26:15,004 --> 01:26:18,257
I saw this episode last night at Mom's.
This joint is hilarious.
1826
01:26:18,466 --> 01:26:21,135
Wait, I thought you got called back
into work last night.
1827
01:26:21,344 --> 01:26:23,638
Oh, yeah, last night
I got called back into work...
1828
01:26:23,846 --> 01:26:25,932
...but remember,
I told you I had to stop by my mom's...
1829
01:26:26,140 --> 01:26:29,936
...to drop off the stuff that she had
put at my-- I told you that, babe.
1830
01:26:30,144 --> 01:26:32,897
- No, no, I don't think you--
- Give me a kiss. You don't be listening.
1831
01:26:33,105 --> 01:26:35,233
And the lies were starting to add up.
1832
01:26:35,441 --> 01:26:37,944
Listen, my mom's planning
a really big family reunion.
1833
01:26:38,152 --> 01:26:40,279
- I'd love it if you could come.
- Whatever you want, baby.
1834
01:26:40,488 --> 01:26:41,489
- Really?
- Yeah.
1835
01:26:41,697 --> 01:26:45,701
I mean, the only bad thing is if your mom
and grandma are as fine as you...
1836
01:26:45,910 --> 01:26:47,870
...you might have some competition
over there.
1837
01:26:48,079 --> 01:26:49,247
Come here.
1838
01:26:50,456 --> 01:26:51,457
Cool!
1839
01:26:51,624 --> 01:26:52,750
It's at the park in Culver City.
1840
01:26:52,959 --> 01:26:55,044
There's gonna be a trampoline
and barbecue.
1841
01:26:55,253 --> 01:26:58,339
These walls have ears.
Duke, please go back to bed.
1842
01:27:01,259 --> 01:27:04,095
So it's gonna be the 20th
and it's gonna be so great.
1843
01:27:04,303 --> 01:27:06,013
We're gonna have these
cotton candy machines--
1844
01:27:06,222 --> 01:27:08,808
- The 20th of this month?
- Carousels--
1845
01:27:09,016 --> 01:27:10,977
Baby, I can't make the 20th.
1846
01:27:11,227 --> 01:27:12,436
Why?
1847
01:27:12,812 --> 01:27:16,524
Well, actually, I promised my mom. It's
her church anniversary, so I promised--
1848
01:27:16,732 --> 01:27:18,109
Really? You gotta be kidding me!
1849
01:27:18,317 --> 01:27:19,777
Good night, Duke!
1850
01:27:20,069 --> 01:27:21,320
Baby, I'm gonna see what I can do,
all right?
1851
01:27:21,529 --> 01:27:23,489
- Okay.
- I'm gonna make it happen.
1852
01:27:23,698 --> 01:27:24,907
Come here, girl, come here.
1853
01:27:25,116 --> 01:27:28,411
Turns out, the only problem
in pretending to step up is...
1854
01:27:28,619 --> 01:27:30,997
...well, sometimes, you actually have to.
1855
01:27:31,205 --> 01:27:34,458
Yo, watch this right here.
Hold it, this is about to jump--
1856
01:27:40,172 --> 01:27:42,008
Okay, what?
1857
01:27:43,801 --> 01:27:47,597
Okay, okay, okay. I wanted to wait
until we had proper drinks...
1858
01:27:47,847 --> 01:27:50,975
...but I talked to my uncle last night...
1859
01:27:51,183 --> 01:27:54,437
...and he listened to your CD,
and he loved it.
1860
01:27:54,645 --> 01:27:58,107
And he's obsessed with number seven.
They want to meet with you on Tuesday!
1861
01:27:58,316 --> 01:27:59,483
Congratulations!
1862
01:27:59,734 --> 01:28:02,403
Oh, my God. You did this for me?
1863
01:28:02,612 --> 01:28:06,699
No, you did it. You left it all on the track.
1864
01:28:07,158 --> 01:28:08,784
I love you, girl.
1865
01:28:14,498 --> 01:28:15,750
Without even meaning to...
1866
01:28:15,958 --> 01:28:18,669
...Zeke done messed around
and uttered the three magic words...
1867
01:28:18,878 --> 01:28:20,755
...that finally opened the cookie jar.
1868
01:28:45,529 --> 01:28:47,823
But Zeke's victory was short-lived.
1869
01:28:47,990 --> 01:28:49,659
MYA
1870
01:28:55,998 --> 01:28:58,709
RAN OUT FOR BREAKFAST
BE RIGHT BACK
1871
01:29:21,065 --> 01:29:23,984
This cannot be good.
1872
01:29:26,153 --> 01:29:27,488
No, no, no.
1873
01:29:30,324 --> 01:29:31,742
{\an8}THE NINETY-DAY RULE
1874
01:29:45,256 --> 01:29:48,676
Am I tripping, or was last night
the best night of my life?
1875
01:29:48,884 --> 01:29:50,010
You got the cookie.
1876
01:29:50,218 --> 01:29:54,557
The cookie? I'm the cookie monster.
You know what I got us? I got some latte--
1877
01:29:58,811 --> 01:30:00,688
Mya, I can explain that.
1878
01:30:00,896 --> 01:30:03,399
You lying-ass sack of shit!
1879
01:30:04,775 --> 01:30:07,111
I was just using this to defend myself.
1880
01:30:07,319 --> 01:30:09,989
- Defending yourself against what?
- Against your 90-Day Rule.
1881
01:30:10,156 --> 01:30:12,908
That was created for women to protect
themselves from sorry asses like you.
1882
01:30:13,117 --> 01:30:14,785
So I'm the villain,
and you didn't even have the guts...
1883
01:30:14,994 --> 01:30:16,537
...to tell me
that I was on a 90-day probation.
1884
01:30:16,704 --> 01:30:18,164
- I was gonna tell you.
- Were you gonna tell me?
1885
01:30:18,372 --> 01:30:22,501
Yes, I was gonna tell you.
But then, I thought I might amend it.
1886
01:30:25,087 --> 01:30:27,548
Because I thought
you might actually be the one.
1887
01:30:28,174 --> 01:30:29,508
So was any of it real?
1888
01:30:29,967 --> 01:30:34,221
Any of it? The wining, the dining?
Calling me your girlfriend?
1889
01:30:34,430 --> 01:30:36,307
Or was that all just to get the cookie?
1890
01:30:41,145 --> 01:30:42,521
You win, congratulations.
1891
01:30:43,564 --> 01:30:45,483
You got it, right? You won.
1892
01:30:45,691 --> 01:30:47,443
Mya, wait a minute. Mya, it was true.
1893
01:30:47,651 --> 01:30:49,277
Zeke, don't touch me!
1894
01:30:50,404 --> 01:30:51,822
God, you're so good.
1895
01:30:52,740 --> 01:30:54,074
You're so good.
1896
01:30:54,282 --> 01:30:56,994
Because even when I know
that you're lying...
1897
01:30:58,286 --> 01:31:00,206
...I still almost believe you.
1898
01:31:00,831 --> 01:31:05,336
In The Art of War, Sun Tzu wrote,
"All warfare is based on deception."
1899
01:31:05,544 --> 01:31:08,464
He left out,
"Only dumb-asses get caught."
1900
01:31:08,714 --> 01:31:09,882
Work
1901
01:31:10,049 --> 01:31:11,425
Baby, your phone!
1902
01:31:11,842 --> 01:31:15,095
Meanwhile, Candace didn't even need
to find the book to get the message.
1903
01:31:15,303 --> 01:31:16,388
Michael Atwater's phone.
1904
01:31:17,223 --> 01:31:19,307
- Tandace?
- Loretta?
1905
01:31:19,475 --> 01:31:24,396
Listen, I'm calling to tell Michael that
I don't need him to take me to church.
1906
01:31:24,814 --> 01:31:27,608
Deacon Johnson
will be driving me to church.
1907
01:31:27,817 --> 01:31:29,860
Let me talk to him. Is he free?
1908
01:31:30,069 --> 01:31:31,570
He will be.
1909
01:31:31,904 --> 01:31:33,864
Here we go! Oh, slam dunk!
1910
01:31:34,073 --> 01:31:35,407
Michael.
1911
01:31:36,784 --> 01:31:37,910
Can I talk to you for a minute?
1912
01:31:39,245 --> 01:31:40,496
What?
1913
01:31:40,996 --> 01:31:42,748
- You'll see.
- Duke, get in the house.
1914
01:31:43,249 --> 01:31:45,042
Baby, did you see that boy's skills?
1915
01:31:45,251 --> 01:31:46,334
If I keep on--
1916
01:31:46,544 --> 01:31:47,711
What's wrong, baby? What's up?
1917
01:31:48,629 --> 01:31:50,422
Your work just called.
1918
01:31:50,631 --> 01:31:53,384
And I thought it might be an emergency,
so I picked up.
1919
01:31:54,009 --> 01:31:55,094
But it was just your mom.
1920
01:31:55,386 --> 01:31:58,430
Really? You know,
the T-Mobile Top Five be acting up--
1921
01:31:58,639 --> 01:31:59,932
Don't bullshit me, Michael.
1922
01:32:00,140 --> 01:32:01,934
Baby, listen, I know how that looks,
but trust me, this isn't--
1923
01:32:02,476 --> 01:32:04,311
Trust? I believed you.
1924
01:32:05,688 --> 01:32:08,356
I can't compete with your mother.
And I won't.
1925
01:32:08,566 --> 01:32:09,692
You don't have to--
1926
01:32:09,900 --> 01:32:11,861
Then why did you look me
in my face and lie?
1927
01:32:15,322 --> 01:32:16,699
You need to go.
1928
01:32:17,575 --> 01:32:18,701
Baby, listen I--
1929
01:32:18,909 --> 01:32:20,368
Get out of my face, Michael.
1930
01:32:28,210 --> 01:32:31,088
And Candace wasn't the only one
who was all business that day.
1931
01:32:31,297 --> 01:32:32,506
Hey, beautiful.
1932
01:32:33,215 --> 01:32:35,134
- Hi.
- How are you?
1933
01:32:36,051 --> 01:32:38,762
- I have a 2:00, so--
- You look stunning.
1934
01:32:39,013 --> 01:32:40,264
Thank you.
1935
01:32:40,848 --> 01:32:42,892
So you said you had some news?
1936
01:32:43,100 --> 01:32:45,603
Yeah. My investor friend
that I told you about?
1937
01:32:46,228 --> 01:32:49,982
Read your prospectus, loves it,
and wants you to give him a call.
1938
01:32:50,441 --> 01:32:51,609
You serious?
1939
01:32:51,817 --> 01:32:53,569
I told you it was brilliant.
1940
01:32:54,069 --> 01:32:56,030
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
1941
01:32:57,281 --> 01:32:59,867
Okay, we gotta go celebrate.
Let's go out tonight.
1942
01:33:00,075 --> 01:33:01,785
I'm not free tonight.
1943
01:33:01,994 --> 01:33:04,663
Okay, well,
what about tomorrow night, then?
1944
01:33:04,914 --> 01:33:07,583
Dominic, I'm gonna hit you with
the headline, okay?
1945
01:33:07,791 --> 01:33:10,836
I recently reconnected with
an ex-boyfriend of mine from college.
1946
01:33:11,045 --> 01:33:14,632
Anyway, he just got a divorce
and is moving back to L.A. and I--
1947
01:33:15,549 --> 01:33:16,717
You breaking up with me?
1948
01:33:16,926 --> 01:33:20,095
No! No, I'm not breaking up,
just taking a break.
1949
01:33:20,304 --> 01:33:21,639
- I need some space.
- Space.
1950
01:33:21,847 --> 01:33:25,142
- Yeah, because we were moving too fast--
- Yeah, you sound like a guy.
1951
01:33:25,351 --> 01:33:26,352
What did you say?
1952
01:33:26,518 --> 01:33:28,187
I said you sound like a guy.
1953
01:33:28,687 --> 01:33:32,316
Is that why you invited me to this place?
For a business lunch?
1954
01:33:32,566 --> 01:33:33,692
So you can have an out-time?
1955
01:33:33,901 --> 01:33:35,319
Dominic, look, I really like you.
1956
01:33:35,611 --> 01:33:39,782
Okay? I didn't want to string you along.
Let's just be friends.
1957
01:33:39,990 --> 01:33:42,284
Yeah, I don't really need
any more friends, Lauren.
1958
01:33:42,534 --> 01:33:46,789
You know, and I really don't need
your friends to let me down easy.
1959
01:33:46,997 --> 01:33:50,125
Okay, don't be stupid, Dominic.
That's business, not personal.
1960
01:33:52,211 --> 01:33:53,796
Do you even know the difference?
1961
01:33:54,129 --> 01:33:55,172
You know, Lauren, I--
1962
01:33:56,256 --> 01:34:01,136
I never even had a prospectus,
you know? I did it all to impress you.
1963
01:34:02,470 --> 01:34:06,600
You inspired me, you motivated me to do
something for myself for the first time.
1964
01:34:08,018 --> 01:34:10,478
And all this time, I thought
you were too good for me.
1965
01:34:25,869 --> 01:34:28,122
Kris? Picked up some pizza.
1966
01:35:01,613 --> 01:35:05,868
What I don't get is just like the book,
I was the guy with potential.
1967
01:35:06,076 --> 01:35:09,163
I told her the truth, I put myself out there,
and it still wasn't enough.
1968
01:35:09,371 --> 01:35:11,457
At least you didn't get caught
in a flat-out lie.
1969
01:35:11,665 --> 01:35:13,917
Y'all should see how bad things are
with Candace right now.
1970
01:35:14,126 --> 01:35:17,379
Kristen wouldn't even look at me
when I showed up at Gina's.
1971
01:35:17,796 --> 01:35:18,964
She'll change her mind.
1972
01:35:19,173 --> 01:35:22,426
Nah. You did not see
the way she looked at me. Such--
1973
01:35:22,634 --> 01:35:23,844
- Hate?
- Hurt.
1974
01:35:24,053 --> 01:35:26,764
It's hate. Women will hate you fast.
1975
01:35:26,972 --> 01:35:29,725
Either way, fellas.
I think we brought this upon ourselves.
1976
01:35:29,933 --> 01:35:33,854
It was self-defense. They attacked first!
We had to strike back.
1977
01:35:34,063 --> 01:35:36,564
We were just protecting our
natural-born right to be men. Am I right?
1978
01:35:37,066 --> 01:35:38,067
- Right.
- Right.
1979
01:35:38,275 --> 01:35:39,943
Love us or leave us, right?
1980
01:35:40,444 --> 01:35:41,445
Right!
1981
01:35:41,653 --> 01:35:43,363
And they left us.
1982
01:35:44,656 --> 01:35:45,783
Right.
1983
01:36:28,534 --> 01:36:31,120
- We're back.
- Take all the time you need.
1984
01:36:31,328 --> 01:36:32,496
Thanks.
1985
01:36:39,044 --> 01:36:40,712
Zeke, check it out.
1986
01:36:41,338 --> 01:36:43,631
Your right. My left.
1987
01:36:49,513 --> 01:36:50,806
Not my type.
1988
01:36:51,014 --> 01:36:55,435
That's how we do it, Zeke.
I line them up, you mow them down.
1989
01:36:56,270 --> 01:36:57,645
Can I have my tab?
1990
01:37:15,956 --> 01:37:18,625
- You can only get it once a year.
- What kind of meat is in the McRib?
1991
01:37:18,834 --> 01:37:20,043
- Fellas.
- Let me guess...
1992
01:37:20,252 --> 01:37:21,461
...school pictures?
1993
01:37:21,669 --> 01:37:22,921
You look like a substitute teacher.
1994
01:37:24,339 --> 01:37:28,719
I finally sent my résumé over
to Neversoft. I had my meeting today.
1995
01:37:28,927 --> 01:37:31,930
And they just called. I got the job.
1996
01:37:32,264 --> 01:37:34,099
- Is that right?
- Congratulations, man!
1997
01:37:34,516 --> 01:37:37,561
I'm a senior designer at Neversoft.
With full benefits.
1998
01:37:37,769 --> 01:37:38,979
Damn right, and the next step
is the expense card.
1999
01:37:39,188 --> 01:37:40,981
I gotta call Kris.
2000
01:37:42,524 --> 01:37:44,318
She not talking to you, huh?
2001
01:37:44,610 --> 01:37:46,195
- No.
- Well, you should call her anyway.
2002
01:37:47,112 --> 01:37:48,614
She's the reason it happened, right?
2003
01:37:49,656 --> 01:37:50,657
Yeah.
2004
01:37:50,866 --> 01:37:52,700
That's good advice, right there.
How's that project going along?
2005
01:37:52,910 --> 01:37:54,494
It's going great. In fact...
2006
01:37:54,702 --> 01:37:57,414
...I'm gonna have to get out of here soon
and go get some work done.
2007
01:37:57,623 --> 01:37:59,875
You know what we should do?
We should celebrate, right?
2008
01:38:00,083 --> 01:38:02,336
- Nice. Yes.
- New job, first round's on Michael.
2009
01:38:02,544 --> 01:38:04,880
- Yes. I like that.
- No, no. I just had the last round--
2010
01:38:05,088 --> 01:38:07,758
- This is nice, just the fellas.
- Just like old times.
2011
01:38:07,966 --> 01:38:10,677
No, it's not like old times
because I don't have a curfew this time.
2012
01:38:10,886 --> 01:38:14,014
Speaking of curfew, I gotta go.
My night to cook.
2013
01:38:14,223 --> 01:38:15,432
Bennett, you sound like a bitch.
2014
01:38:15,641 --> 01:38:17,976
We just got finished hearing good news,
we with the fellas, we drinking.
2015
01:38:18,185 --> 01:38:20,979
He running home all henpecked.
Come on, man!
2016
01:38:21,188 --> 01:38:23,941
I'm not cooking because I have to, I'm
cooking because I want to, that's my wife.
2017
01:38:24,149 --> 01:38:25,234
Come on, now, Bennett.
2018
01:38:25,442 --> 01:38:27,361
I'm not saying it like that,
I'm saying just, right now--
2019
01:38:27,653 --> 01:38:28,862
Don't be mad at me
because I got a wife at the house.
2020
01:38:29,071 --> 01:38:31,448
That means sometimes
I can't hang out all night with you guys.
2021
01:38:31,657 --> 01:38:33,867
I gotta go home early
then that's what I gotta do.
2022
01:38:34,660 --> 01:38:35,786
I'm just saying.
2023
01:38:36,036 --> 01:38:37,579
I got this round.
2024
01:38:38,372 --> 01:38:40,499
- I'm happy for you, congratulations.
- Thank you.
2025
01:38:40,707 --> 01:38:42,000
- I'll see you guys.
- Big B!
2026
01:38:42,209 --> 01:38:43,794
You're $20 short, Bennett.
2027
01:38:44,002 --> 01:38:48,048
Yeah, no, I used to cook for Gail
on Thursdays. That was my day.
2028
01:38:48,257 --> 01:38:50,133
I'm happy we're free. I really am.
2029
01:38:50,342 --> 01:38:52,177
I'm telling you right now,
we're better off without them.
2030
01:38:52,386 --> 01:38:53,761
Yeah, I mean, who needs
to put up with their shit?
2031
01:38:53,971 --> 01:38:55,639
And their demands, the nagging--
2032
01:38:55,847 --> 01:38:59,767
The expectations.
Expectation is the catalyst for all of that.
2033
01:38:59,977 --> 01:39:00,978
- Here we go.
- You know what's funny?
2034
01:39:01,186 --> 01:39:04,898
Gail used to love it when
I cooked Bolognese sauce from scratch.
2035
01:39:05,107 --> 01:39:06,233
Like, that was her favorite, so--
2036
01:39:06,441 --> 01:39:09,486
All right, boys, we are free
to do whatever we want...
2037
01:39:09,695 --> 01:39:13,448
...with whoever we want,
whenever we want, all right? To freedom!
2038
01:39:13,657 --> 01:39:14,700
Freedom!
2039
01:39:22,165 --> 01:39:24,334
Ced, lift your glass, man, get involved.
2040
01:39:24,543 --> 01:39:26,545
- Right, I'm sorry. No, no, no.
- Take that shot, baby.
2041
01:39:26,753 --> 01:39:28,046
To freedom.
2042
01:39:29,131 --> 01:39:30,257
Bottoms up.
2043
01:39:32,050 --> 01:39:33,385
Don't need them.
2044
01:39:34,553 --> 01:39:35,762
I gotta piss.
2045
01:39:35,971 --> 01:39:37,055
I'll be right back.
2046
01:39:37,264 --> 01:39:39,558
Look like you gotta take a dump,
the way you moving.
2047
01:39:47,607 --> 01:39:48,650
What?
2048
01:39:48,859 --> 01:39:50,610
Gail, ain't nobody calling to fight
with you right now.
2049
01:39:50,818 --> 01:39:52,863
- What the hell do--
- Look! I'm coming home.
2050
01:39:53,071 --> 01:39:54,531
Really, Cedric?
2051
01:39:54,740 --> 01:39:57,117
Gail, let me tell you something.
That's my house too, Gail!
2052
01:39:57,326 --> 01:40:01,121
I pay the bills in that house!
It's my house too. I'm coming home.
2053
01:40:01,330 --> 01:40:04,082
Which is where I belong, girl.
2054
01:40:04,708 --> 01:40:08,211
Gail, I'm tired of this tough shit.
I miss you, Gail.
2055
01:40:08,879 --> 01:40:10,172
Gail, I ain't been the same, man.
2056
01:40:10,380 --> 01:40:14,051
I'm out here,
I'm out here on these streets and shit.
2057
01:40:14,259 --> 01:40:15,635
I'm out here in the strip clubs.
2058
01:40:15,843 --> 01:40:19,847
These girls calling me by my first name,
like, I'm there every day!
2059
01:40:20,057 --> 01:40:22,768
Which I am, but that's because
I'm going through something, Gail.
2060
01:40:22,976 --> 01:40:27,147
I need to be held. I need you
to rub my back. Put me in my onesie.
2061
01:40:27,356 --> 01:40:28,856
I changed, I need my woman back!
2062
01:40:29,066 --> 01:40:31,068
I'm around all these men and shit!
2063
01:40:31,276 --> 01:40:35,364
I don't want it. I don't want that life
no more, I want you and Jesus.
2064
01:40:35,572 --> 01:40:38,241
- And that's it.
- Okay, Big Daddy.
2065
01:40:38,450 --> 01:40:39,659
What you say?
2066
01:40:39,867 --> 01:40:41,286
How soon can you get here?
2067
01:40:47,209 --> 01:40:49,586
Like-- Like 20, 22, 23 minutes.
2068
01:40:49,795 --> 01:40:52,089
Bring your sexy ass home. I'll be waiting.
2069
01:40:52,297 --> 01:40:55,258
You want me to bring you something?
You want some Doritos, or something?
2070
01:40:55,467 --> 01:40:57,969
Because I can stop and get it, baby.
Whatever makes you happy.
2071
01:40:58,178 --> 01:40:59,930
- Just come home.
- Okay.
2072
01:41:00,180 --> 01:41:01,889
All right, I love you.
2073
01:41:04,017 --> 01:41:05,560
Oh, shit.
2074
01:41:06,103 --> 01:41:07,229
Thank you.
2075
01:41:10,732 --> 01:41:11,858
Yup.
2076
01:41:21,535 --> 01:41:24,121
Good shit, brother. Go home to Gail.
2077
01:41:30,585 --> 01:41:32,629
He just wipe shit on my back?
2078
01:41:35,132 --> 01:41:37,300
You didn't even wash your hands, man?
2079
01:41:38,593 --> 01:41:41,304
Who the hell shits with a hat on, anyway?
2080
01:41:41,513 --> 01:41:44,850
- She said she was coming from Shanghai.
- I remember her.
2081
01:41:45,058 --> 01:41:46,685
Fellas, I will see you later.
2082
01:41:46,893 --> 01:41:49,688
Let's all cash out, we'll go together.
You going to the Ass Factory, right?
2083
01:41:49,896 --> 01:41:51,898
Gail is taking me back, I'm going home.
2084
01:41:53,233 --> 01:41:54,234
Home!
2085
01:41:54,401 --> 01:41:56,486
Girl, I am married. Please!
2086
01:41:56,862 --> 01:41:58,530
Thank you. Married man!
2087
01:41:58,738 --> 01:42:01,658
That night, we all realized
that the plots...
2088
01:42:01,867 --> 01:42:06,163
...plans and schemes couldn't compare
to one simple thing, the truth.
2089
01:42:13,961 --> 01:42:14,962
Mama!
2090
01:42:15,130 --> 01:42:16,465
Oh, what the hell?
2091
01:42:16,673 --> 01:42:17,965
Hey, baby.
2092
01:42:18,175 --> 01:42:20,886
Oh, flowers, breakfast. Yeah.
2093
01:42:21,344 --> 01:42:22,679
You're a little early, sweetie.
2094
01:42:22,888 --> 01:42:26,224
I know, but I wanted to come by
so I could tell you that...
2095
01:42:26,433 --> 01:42:28,685
...I'm not gonna be able to make it
to the anniversary today, Mom.
2096
01:42:28,894 --> 01:42:30,187
There's some place I gotta be.
2097
01:42:30,395 --> 01:42:33,315
Well, it's our 75th at the church.
2098
01:42:33,899 --> 01:42:36,109
What's wrong, sweetie?
Where you gotta be?
2099
01:42:36,318 --> 01:42:38,945
With Candace.
At her family reunion, Mom.
2100
01:42:45,410 --> 01:42:46,578
Well, good for you.
2101
01:42:48,830 --> 01:42:49,831
Okay, sweetie.
2102
01:42:50,040 --> 01:42:51,041
- Really?
- All right.
2103
01:42:51,208 --> 01:42:53,335
Now, I'm gonna see you tomorrow, okay?
Time for you to go.
2104
01:42:53,543 --> 01:42:56,505
Loretta, it's my turn to spank you.
2105
01:42:57,255 --> 01:42:58,548
Deacon Johnson?
2106
01:42:58,757 --> 01:43:00,717
- You got the keys for these?
- Put those down, fool!
2107
01:43:00,926 --> 01:43:02,385
How long has this been going on?
2108
01:43:02,594 --> 01:43:03,720
Ninety days.
2109
01:43:03,929 --> 01:43:06,556
More like 91.
I'm sorry I stretched your T-shirt.
2110
01:43:06,765 --> 01:43:08,015
How you doing, Michael?
2111
01:43:08,225 --> 01:43:11,478
- All right, fool, go on upstairs now.
- You know, these pills cost $19.
2112
01:43:11,686 --> 01:43:13,020
Mom, you got him with my loofah?
2113
01:43:13,230 --> 01:43:14,856
Baby, go on. Go ahead, go ahead.
2114
01:43:15,065 --> 01:43:16,775
Listen here, fool!
2115
01:43:16,983 --> 01:43:20,570
I done told you I'd bring that coffee
upstairs, you old, nasty fool.
2116
01:43:22,572 --> 01:43:24,199
Look who I found.
2117
01:43:24,950 --> 01:43:27,077
Okay, third time I hope is a charm.
2118
01:43:27,285 --> 01:43:28,286
Actually, I think it is.
2119
01:43:28,495 --> 01:43:30,247
- Go ahead, tell them.
- We want to make an offer.
2120
01:43:31,665 --> 01:43:33,959
- I told you this was gonna happen.
- No, you didn't, actually.
2121
01:43:34,376 --> 01:43:37,921
This is great news. We sort of had
an instinct about you guys.
2122
01:43:38,255 --> 01:43:39,256
Kris?
2123
01:43:39,464 --> 01:43:40,674
Jeremy, what are you doing here?
2124
01:43:40,882 --> 01:43:41,883
I need to talk to you.
2125
01:43:42,092 --> 01:43:44,094
Yeah, I can't.
I'm in the middle of something.
2126
01:43:44,553 --> 01:43:46,346
This is important.
2127
01:43:46,513 --> 01:43:48,265
Not a problem. Take your time.
2128
01:43:48,473 --> 01:43:50,517
I'm gonna get the paperwork,
and we can get started.
2129
01:43:50,725 --> 01:43:52,227
I'm really sorry.
2130
01:43:53,979 --> 01:43:55,188
Did someone die?
2131
01:43:55,397 --> 01:43:57,983
- What? No.
- Well, you have a suit on, so I--
2132
01:43:58,191 --> 01:44:00,110
I got the job at Neversoft, Kris.
2133
01:44:00,277 --> 01:44:01,778
- Really?
- Yeah.
2134
01:44:02,195 --> 01:44:04,948
I mean, that's cool.
I hope you didn't do it for my benefit.
2135
01:44:06,408 --> 01:44:08,243
I did. At first.
2136
01:44:08,702 --> 01:44:12,372
But somehow,
through all the pretending...
2137
01:44:13,206 --> 01:44:15,375
...I figured out I wanted it for me.
2138
01:44:16,376 --> 01:44:19,212
And now that I have it, I want it for us.
2139
01:44:19,713 --> 01:44:22,089
You were the first person I wanted
to call when I got the news...
2140
01:44:22,299 --> 01:44:25,552
...and the fact that I couldn't
drove me crazy.
2141
01:44:26,553 --> 01:44:29,389
You're the last person I think about
before I go to sleep at night, Kris.
2142
01:44:29,598 --> 01:44:30,599
Look...
2143
01:44:31,641 --> 01:44:32,642
...I miss you.
2144
01:44:32,809 --> 01:44:34,185
Oh, honey.
2145
01:44:34,394 --> 01:44:37,230
I miss you and I want you back.
2146
01:44:37,772 --> 01:44:39,065
So sweet.
2147
01:44:39,399 --> 01:44:40,692
I want to buy you a house.
2148
01:44:40,900 --> 01:44:42,193
That's my man, step up there.
2149
01:44:42,402 --> 01:44:43,737
I want to buy you this house.
2150
01:44:43,945 --> 01:44:46,031
Back up, bitch.
You ain't buying my house.
2151
01:44:46,239 --> 01:44:47,240
Oh, it's fine.
2152
01:44:47,449 --> 01:44:48,742
How the hell he talking
about buying my house?
2153
01:44:48,950 --> 01:44:49,951
Breathe.
2154
01:44:50,117 --> 01:44:52,329
I'm breathing, I'm breathing.
I got it, I got it.
2155
01:44:54,623 --> 01:44:55,832
Okay.
2156
01:45:07,886 --> 01:45:11,681
I want to be your wife.
And I want you to be my husband--
2157
01:45:16,394 --> 01:45:18,145
I want to be your husband.
2158
01:45:19,064 --> 01:45:21,066
And I want you to be my wife...
2159
01:45:21,358 --> 01:45:22,942
...so bad.
2160
01:45:23,360 --> 01:45:24,778
So...
2161
01:45:36,289 --> 01:45:38,333
...will you marry me?
2162
01:45:41,503 --> 01:45:43,088
It's a yes.
2163
01:45:43,296 --> 01:45:45,256
- Oh, she did it.
- Go ahead, my man.
2164
01:45:45,465 --> 01:45:47,050
She did it
because she changed the game.
2165
01:45:47,217 --> 01:45:49,010
- She did what?
- Don't worry about it.
2166
01:45:58,520 --> 01:46:00,480
Even Zeke was singing a new tune.
2167
01:46:00,689 --> 01:46:02,857
That last one was Bitch Betta
Have My Money by AMG.
2168
01:46:03,066 --> 01:46:04,609
I don't really feel like
being out of the house right now.
2169
01:46:04,818 --> 01:46:09,739
Come on. You know the best way
to get over an old guy is to get a new one.
2170
01:46:09,948 --> 01:46:11,991
- You're coming.
- ...make sure you show him some love.
2171
01:46:12,199 --> 01:46:13,618
Zeke, come on up.
2172
01:46:15,120 --> 01:46:17,247
- Hey, thank you.
- Oh, my God.
2173
01:46:17,414 --> 01:46:18,748
I haven't really played this song
in years...
2174
01:46:18,957 --> 01:46:20,041
Is that--
2175
01:46:20,250 --> 01:46:23,962
...but it was inspired by
a very special woman who...
2176
01:46:25,672 --> 01:46:27,424
...is definitely worth waiting for.
2177
01:46:30,051 --> 01:46:33,763
Last night I had a dream about a dream
2178
01:46:33,972 --> 01:46:36,766
About you
2179
01:46:40,520 --> 01:46:42,229
- I gotta get out of here.
- Mya!
2180
01:46:43,690 --> 01:46:45,150
Mya!
2181
01:46:46,943 --> 01:46:49,738
Mya, will you hold up? Mya?
2182
01:46:49,946 --> 01:46:53,283
You think you can just sing one song
and everything's gonna be forgotten?
2183
01:46:53,491 --> 01:46:55,535
No! I was just hoping it would be a start.
2184
01:46:55,952 --> 01:46:58,496
You know what? You know, you can't
change a person's nature, Zeke.
2185
01:46:58,747 --> 01:47:00,331
That is not true.
I know for a fact that that's not true.
2186
01:47:00,540 --> 01:47:01,916
- How?
- Because I want to start over.
2187
01:47:03,293 --> 01:47:04,878
I want 90 more days.
2188
01:47:06,463 --> 01:47:07,547
Without sex?
2189
01:47:07,756 --> 01:47:09,674
If that's what it takes.
2190
01:47:09,966 --> 01:47:12,135
I don't want the sex, Mya. I want you.
2191
01:47:12,427 --> 01:47:13,928
That's bullshit.
2192
01:47:16,014 --> 01:47:18,057
Okay, that's bullshit. Yes!
Of course I want the sex.
2193
01:47:18,265 --> 01:47:21,644
But the difference is the sex
is all I wanted before I met you. Now...
2194
01:47:22,269 --> 01:47:25,398
...I want you. Okay?
2195
01:47:25,940 --> 01:47:28,401
Now? I want coffee.
2196
01:47:29,861 --> 01:47:33,490
I want to stay up all night talking
about your crazy childhood. I want--
2197
01:47:35,033 --> 01:47:39,078
I don't know.
I want to talk about Aristotle's Caves.
2198
01:47:42,832 --> 01:47:44,334
It's Plato's.
2199
01:47:44,542 --> 01:47:45,919
Plato got caves too?
2200
01:47:46,628 --> 01:47:47,879
Yeah.
2201
01:47:48,295 --> 01:47:49,798
Mya, I love you.
2202
01:47:51,800 --> 01:47:54,385
I'm in love with you.
2203
01:47:56,638 --> 01:47:59,306
I've never said that to anyone in my life.
2204
01:48:02,560 --> 01:48:04,687
Then why didn't you just say so?
2205
01:48:19,118 --> 01:48:21,663
Turns out that my epiphany
had a domino effect.
2206
01:48:22,080 --> 01:48:26,209
Everyone was actually stepping up
with their women. For real this time.
2207
01:48:26,626 --> 01:48:28,920
I didn't get any of this.
2208
01:48:30,255 --> 01:48:33,340
Candace? Your mother tells me
that you're still single.
2209
01:48:33,550 --> 01:48:36,010
Don't worry about it,
because I think I have a solution.
2210
01:48:36,219 --> 01:48:39,931
I have somebody I think would be perfect
for you at my office. Her name is Amy.
2211
01:48:40,139 --> 01:48:42,392
Her? She's not in that chapter.
2212
01:48:42,600 --> 01:48:43,935
Well, she might want
to read the book, honey.
2213
01:48:44,143 --> 01:48:46,104
Mom! Mom!
2214
01:48:46,729 --> 01:48:48,481
Thanks, Duke. I got this.
2215
01:48:49,356 --> 01:48:51,276
- Hi, ladies.
- Look at that face!
2216
01:48:52,359 --> 01:48:53,987
Nice to see you all.
2217
01:48:54,571 --> 01:48:56,656
What are you doing here?
Isn't today your mom's church thing?
2218
01:48:56,865 --> 01:48:57,991
Yeah, it is.
2219
01:48:58,199 --> 01:48:59,366
So, what, did it get canceled?
2220
01:48:59,576 --> 01:49:01,744
It did not. What's up with
all these damn questions, woman?
2221
01:49:01,953 --> 01:49:03,788
I just thought you needed to be there.
2222
01:49:03,997 --> 01:49:07,125
Why would I be there
when I should be here...
2223
01:49:07,333 --> 01:49:09,085
...with the number-one woman in my life?
2224
01:49:09,294 --> 01:49:10,712
So since you're thinking so much...
2225
01:49:10,920 --> 01:49:12,630
...why don't you think about
putting a burger on that plate...
2226
01:49:12,839 --> 01:49:15,592
- ...with some pickles and some mustard?
- I'm sorry...
2227
01:49:17,343 --> 01:49:20,263
...did you just say "number one"?
2228
01:49:20,638 --> 01:49:23,099
Oh, so you're not believing?
Hold on one second.
2229
01:49:23,308 --> 01:49:25,602
Ladies and gentlemen? Excuse me?
2230
01:49:25,810 --> 01:49:29,396
Hi, I need everybody's attention, please?
Hey, everybody-- Yeah.
2231
01:49:29,606 --> 01:49:30,732
Thank you.
2232
01:49:30,940 --> 01:49:34,652
My name is Michael Hanover,
and I want you all to know...
2233
01:49:34,861 --> 01:49:39,782
...I am madly, and I am insanely in love
with Candace Hall.
2234
01:49:41,659 --> 01:49:44,662
And I just want everybody
in the world to know...
2235
01:49:44,996 --> 01:49:47,540
...that she's the number-one woman
in my life.
2236
01:49:47,957 --> 01:49:49,792
Thanks, everybody.
2237
01:49:50,001 --> 01:49:51,711
Now, back to the reunion!
2238
01:50:00,053 --> 01:50:01,387
Is that okay with you?
2239
01:50:02,972 --> 01:50:04,891
What do you want on your damn burger?
2240
01:50:05,516 --> 01:50:08,435
I don't give a damn, girl.
I came for you. Come here.
2241
01:50:15,276 --> 01:50:17,946
And so the book ended happily
for all of us.
2242
01:50:18,404 --> 01:50:20,949
Well, almost all of us.
2243
01:50:21,157 --> 01:50:22,992
Hey, girl. Haven't seen you in a while.
2244
01:50:23,201 --> 01:50:25,703
I know. I'm sorry, I've been swamped.
2245
01:50:25,912 --> 01:50:26,913
So, what are you up to later today?
2246
01:50:27,080 --> 01:50:30,041
Actually, I have a date
with James, finally.
2247
01:50:30,249 --> 01:50:34,253
Between his CEO and my COO,
it seems we never see each other.
2248
01:50:34,461 --> 01:50:35,462
What else is new?
2249
01:50:35,630 --> 01:50:37,464
Anyway. You got any plans for later?
2250
01:50:37,674 --> 01:50:40,843
Actually, the three of us are going
to Dominic's grand opening.
2251
01:50:44,055 --> 01:50:46,265
He found a backer for his restaurant?
2252
01:50:46,473 --> 01:50:49,018
No. He got a personal loan
for a food truck. It's called--
2253
01:50:49,227 --> 01:50:50,395
Avenue D.
2254
01:50:50,603 --> 01:50:53,898
It's in Pueblo Plaza.
He wants to start small, build his way up.
2255
01:50:54,107 --> 01:50:55,900
Good for him, you know?
2256
01:50:57,402 --> 01:50:59,696
- Anyway, have fun tonight.
- Oh, we will.
2257
01:51:03,324 --> 01:51:04,491
Thank you.
2258
01:51:04,951 --> 01:51:06,327
So, James, how was your day?
2259
01:51:06,536 --> 01:51:08,997
It was good. Actually, it was--
It was great.
2260
01:51:09,205 --> 01:51:11,708
Did I mention to you that The Wall Street
Journal is doing a feature on me?
2261
01:51:11,916 --> 01:51:14,669
- Yes, the--
- "Wonderkid." Yeah, I know.
2262
01:51:14,877 --> 01:51:15,920
"The Wonderkid."
2263
01:51:16,129 --> 01:51:17,504
I know I'm not exactly a kid...
2264
01:51:17,714 --> 01:51:20,258
...but I am the youngest CEO
of a Fortune 500 company.
2265
01:51:20,466 --> 01:51:21,508
Yes, we talked--
2266
01:51:21,718 --> 01:51:23,553
Now I'm focusing my sights
on the Far East.
2267
01:51:23,761 --> 01:51:26,305
I was talking to Warren the other day.
You know Warren Buffett?
2268
01:51:26,513 --> 01:51:27,765
Dub-Beezy, that's my man.
2269
01:51:28,224 --> 01:51:30,560
He was telling me about diversification.
2270
01:51:31,978 --> 01:51:36,733
So I bought a G6. Okay, all right.
The company bought a G6.
2271
01:51:36,941 --> 01:51:38,525
New York to Los Angeles
costs about $60,000.
2272
01:51:38,735 --> 01:51:39,944
They put that down every time I go.
2273
01:51:40,153 --> 01:51:41,487
Also talked to my man, Kobe,
the other day.
2274
01:51:41,696 --> 01:51:43,656
He was trying to get me
to buy an NBA franchise.
2275
01:51:44,115 --> 01:51:46,325
I'm fine, James.
2276
01:51:47,869 --> 01:51:49,120
Thanks for asking.
2277
01:51:51,664 --> 01:51:53,166
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
2278
01:51:53,374 --> 01:51:54,834
I know.
2279
01:51:56,919 --> 01:51:59,881
I know, but I finally do.
2280
01:52:09,307 --> 01:52:11,225
All right, all right, all right.
2281
01:52:14,479 --> 01:52:15,480
All right, a little something.
2282
01:52:15,688 --> 01:52:17,774
Just a little sample for the ladies.
Fellas, I'll get you back later.
2283
01:52:17,982 --> 01:52:20,026
- Come on, Dom!
- Give that to the wife.
2284
01:52:20,234 --> 01:52:21,986
To your lady, okay, good, there you go.
2285
01:52:22,153 --> 01:52:24,571
All right, one more?
There you go, there you go, J.
2286
01:52:24,781 --> 01:52:26,199
I'll be right back. Thanks for coming.
2287
01:52:26,407 --> 01:52:27,408
- I'll be right back.
- This is amazing.
2288
01:52:29,952 --> 01:52:31,954
Next!
2289
01:52:32,121 --> 01:52:33,247
I'll take the Chef's Special.
2290
01:52:33,456 --> 01:52:34,749
Is that with chicken or--
2291
01:52:34,957 --> 01:52:37,794
- Hey, back of the line.
- Look, this is personal, not business.
2292
01:52:38,002 --> 01:52:39,462
Move your arm!
2293
01:52:41,172 --> 01:52:42,381
Congratulations.
2294
01:52:42,589 --> 01:52:43,883
Looks like a huge success.
2295
01:52:44,967 --> 01:52:46,803
I wasn't expecting you.
2296
01:52:47,011 --> 01:52:48,721
I couldn't miss your grand opening.
2297
01:52:49,097 --> 01:52:50,139
Live bass ceviche?
2298
01:52:50,348 --> 01:52:52,058
Sal, those two lasagnas are to-go.
2299
01:52:52,558 --> 01:52:53,851
You got it.
2300
01:52:54,977 --> 01:52:56,187
So where's your CEO?
2301
01:52:56,813 --> 01:52:59,606
I ended that. Dominic!
2302
01:52:59,816 --> 01:53:03,277
He may have all the money in the world,
and all the power...
2303
01:53:03,486 --> 01:53:05,488
- ...but he doesn't have half your potential.
- Stop!
2304
01:53:05,696 --> 01:53:07,156
Stop.
2305
01:53:07,614 --> 01:53:10,243
I don't need you to do that
for me anymore. I'm doing me, now.
2306
01:53:10,451 --> 01:53:11,661
All right?
2307
01:53:12,328 --> 01:53:14,621
Thanks for coming,
but I got a business to run.
2308
01:53:14,831 --> 01:53:16,791
I'm sure you can respect that, right?
2309
01:53:17,959 --> 01:53:19,710
- But I was--
- Next!
2310
01:53:25,091 --> 01:53:27,634
What's good here, man?
Do you have a low-fat Pork Special?
2311
01:53:28,136 --> 01:53:29,679
- Sure.
- Let's roll with it.
2312
01:53:30,513 --> 01:53:32,223
Dominic?
2313
01:53:33,224 --> 01:53:35,226
Excuse me. What are you doing?
2314
01:53:35,476 --> 01:53:37,228
I want you back, Dominic.
2315
01:53:40,356 --> 01:53:42,984
- Just give me a minute, please. I know.
- We gotta finish this up.
2316
01:53:43,192 --> 01:53:44,610
I'm sorry.
2317
01:53:46,571 --> 01:53:48,655
- What are you doing?
- I want you back.
2318
01:53:48,865 --> 01:53:51,450
Yeah, listen, I'm not an acquisition.
You can't just decide--
2319
01:53:51,658 --> 01:53:54,245
- I'm asking.
- Yeah? And I'm asking for some service.
2320
01:53:54,453 --> 01:53:57,206
You'll get your pork sausage,
Porky! Beat it!
2321
01:54:01,210 --> 01:54:03,796
Lauren, listen,
we're just too different, okay?
2322
01:54:04,005 --> 01:54:07,466
Yes, we are different.
But I think that's a good thing.
2323
01:54:07,674 --> 01:54:10,052
What you need is status. You need titles.
2324
01:54:10,261 --> 01:54:12,180
- I don't care about--
- No, I don't.
2325
01:54:12,388 --> 01:54:16,559
What I need is a man
who makes me feel like I'm special.
2326
01:54:16,809 --> 01:54:18,561
I don't care about his title...
2327
01:54:18,769 --> 01:54:20,438
...and I don't care
how much money you make.
2328
01:54:20,646 --> 01:54:23,774
I don't care what kind of car you drive.
I just need you.
2329
01:54:23,983 --> 01:54:26,652
Please? I'm sorry.
2330
01:54:30,323 --> 01:54:32,491
I think ultimately we want different things.
2331
01:54:32,700 --> 01:54:33,910
No.
2332
01:54:34,660 --> 01:54:35,995
I disagree.
2333
01:54:37,997 --> 01:54:40,708
I think we want the exact same thing.
2334
01:54:42,084 --> 01:54:43,544
What's that?
2335
01:54:44,629 --> 01:54:45,963
Well, first...
2336
01:54:47,340 --> 01:54:50,176
...I would like to have my Chef's Special,
hold the pork.
2337
01:55:09,487 --> 01:55:11,989
Go, Dom! All right, come on, man,
that's enough kissing.
2338
01:55:12,198 --> 01:55:14,283
- Grab her ass or something.
- That's my girl!
2339
01:55:14,533 --> 01:55:17,078
Show me something, God! Give me
something to think about tonight.
2340
01:55:17,286 --> 01:55:18,537
You know I haven't had much sex.
2341
01:55:18,746 --> 01:55:20,248
Me and Gail ain't really doing it
like we used to.
2342
01:55:20,456 --> 01:55:21,749
Really, Cedric?
2343
01:55:21,958 --> 01:55:24,794
- Come on, now.
- Get your little ass over here, now!
2344
01:55:25,002 --> 01:55:26,170
Hey, Gail, I was talking--
2345
01:55:26,379 --> 01:55:28,547
Pull your pants up, Cedric!
2346
01:55:34,178 --> 01:55:35,930
I'll get the guy in the purple.
2347
01:55:36,138 --> 01:55:38,057
- Hi, I'm Bennett.
- Use our ball?
2348
01:55:40,101 --> 01:55:43,271
I'll see you on the court! Save it--
Save it for the game, though!
2349
01:55:43,479 --> 01:55:45,231
Listen, little man. Where's your twin?
2350
01:55:45,439 --> 01:55:46,565
You're gonna need somebody
on your shoulders.
2351
01:55:46,774 --> 01:55:48,317
That's funny. That's real funny.
2352
01:55:48,526 --> 01:55:50,152
Let's see if it's funny
when my balls are on your back!
2353
01:55:52,196 --> 01:55:53,864
- Ball's in play. Let's go.
- Oh, shit.
2354
01:56:00,705 --> 01:56:02,123
Pass the ball, man!
2355
01:56:11,257 --> 01:56:12,591
You gonna play some defense?
2356
01:56:13,884 --> 01:56:15,219
Wait, wait, wait!
2357
01:56:15,761 --> 01:56:16,887
Pass!
2358
01:56:20,641 --> 01:56:22,226
Just shoot the ball.
2359
01:56:23,936 --> 01:56:26,272
You better get that out of here, little man.
You all right?
2360
01:56:27,023 --> 01:56:28,858
Hey, no making fun.
2361
01:56:33,154 --> 01:56:34,405
Good shot.
2362
01:56:34,655 --> 01:56:36,407
- Good shot?
- It was!
2363
01:56:36,615 --> 01:56:39,243
- Bennett, be a man and push him!
- It was a good shot.
2364
01:56:53,966 --> 01:56:55,301
Pick on someone your own size, man.
2365
01:56:57,470 --> 01:56:58,763
Oh, my knee!
2366
01:57:08,314 --> 01:57:09,815
Man, you better calm down.
2367
01:57:10,024 --> 01:57:11,942
He put his balls on my head.
2368
01:57:17,531 --> 01:57:19,033
Where's my help on defense?
2369
01:57:22,870 --> 01:57:23,996
Get out of here!
2370
01:57:26,207 --> 01:57:27,333
Bennett! Jeremy!
2371
01:57:27,541 --> 01:57:30,169
I'm trying to get my ball back!
Can I have the ball, please?
2372
01:57:30,378 --> 01:57:32,254
Just let them keep it. Let them keep it.
2373
01:57:33,464 --> 01:57:35,007
- Thanks, you guys!
- Go get that.
2374
01:57:35,216 --> 01:57:37,176
Hey, we play here every Thursday.
2375
01:57:37,385 --> 01:57:39,011
That wasn't that bad.
2376
01:57:39,220 --> 01:57:40,596
Think about it.
2377
01:57:41,555 --> 01:57:45,309
Well, I think it was a good time.
It's all about the exercise, guys.